Write down the revelation

Habakkuk 2:1-3 NIV

¹I will stand at my watch
   and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
   and what answer I am to give to this complaint.^[a]

The LORD’s Answer

 ² Then the LORD replied:   “Write down the revelation
   and make it plain on tablets
   so that a herald^[b] may run with it.
³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
   it speaks of the end
   and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
   it^[c] will certainly come and will not delay.

I was struck by this passage this morning. In the three verses, there is so much that speaks this morning.

Write down the revelation and make it plain on the tablets so that a herald may run with it.  

Write the revelation down. This makes me think of how people say to write down your dreams and then watch them happen, as if putting them in writing make something actually happen. I think it's true. When you write things down you give something a voice. Something becomes a bit more solid and more thought out perhaps. The thoughts, even if it's on a sticky note that gets folded up and shoved in a drawer, one day comes around again. A parent’s journal may get leafed through years down the road by a child or grandchild where they discover what made the parent who they were. Tablets with inscriptions get uncovered in archaeological digs that show us more insight to the ancient world.

Can you imagine journals or diaries being thrown away? Entries written, the book filled up, then thrown away with not even a moment taken to read past entries before discarding them. This is what I used to do and now partially wish I'd never done. My thoughts were that they were filled with hurt and pain that I didn't want to relive. I still believe it true that the time period covered in those discard journals was a painful time, but I now know they've been covered by grace and mercy. I’m able to look back with gladness to where I've come from and who God has made me to be because of and in spite of the pain. 

Write down the revelation. I am one who often writes in a journal and my habit has changed. I keep the journals. I pour over them on a regular basis. It's part of my dialogue between God, and myself, and it is something I find so helpful. It allows me to work out emotions and thoughts on paper that just need to escape my head. Reading through them I see where my ancient ruins are and where there was beauty in that.

Some ideas make it from my journal to this blog. I began this blog as a way to chronicle my time in Northern Ireland away from my home and all who was familiar to me. It was a way that people could know some of what was happening in my life while I was here. I think my intentions were to share a bit more of the simple things: I went on a walk here, I met a person with an interesting accent there, school is proving to be _____... and the list goes on. Those are things I have been sharing that, but if you've read any of the blogs it's not the flavor of them all. The blog has become sort of my journal of thoughts and revelations of how God is transforming me and challenging me. I want to write it down and share it, because I can't seem to work it out sometimes when it's only in my head. Sometimes things are disjointed. Ok, honestly, they're often disjointed. I don't claim to be a theologian or historian. I just try to walk daily with God and listen to what He is saying. And then I want to share it, because isn't that what we are called to? When we feel the love of Christ pouring into us, aren't we supposed to share it with others?

There is also a part of the above verse that says so that a herald may run with it. A herald is a person who reads what's written. My words, my thoughts, get written here and I do come back to them. However blogs aren’t meant for the writer. Once a post is up, I don't know who all reads them or how the find it. A few unexpected readers have told me that they have, and I can only think that it is God's hand doing that. My incomplete thoughts, mediocre grammar, and hopeful seeking are tools I get to put to use. Let people read and run with it. I hope it’s something to learn from, question, discuss.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.

I write this blog, because I am learning from God. And I am waiting on God. I've said it loads of times. There is something big He's doing in me and that it is why I am in Northern Ireland. He clearly called me here, but now that I’m here it is time to wait. Changes are happening, slowly. I write what changes I see. Look at the way The Message write part of this passage:

This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!

It describes it as an ache. Yeah, that sounds about right. Sometimes it has felt like a physical ache to know what God is doing, to know what his vision is pointing to. I’ve never thought about how it might be an ache for God to fulfill his promises for us. 

Wait for it

The end of that passage reads "Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Two concepts that are complete opposites are in that phrase- linger and will not delay- is hard sometimes for me to reconcile. It's not hard to reconcile for the Lord. Where we see linger, he sees will not delay. 

He will continue to show me His way as I seek for it. I will keep waiting. I will keep writing. I will trust. 

My prayer for this comes from a book I am reading on Waiting, the same that highlighted this verse.

Lord, when you give a definite promise, or confirm that one of our most potent dreams will come to pass, it's really hard when nothing appears to happen. Help us neither lose sight of your promise nor obsess about it. That's a big ask, Lord- we're only human! And we don't see everything clearly — for example that we're maturing in the process or that you want us to complete something now that we won't be able to do then. Be with us in the waiting. Help us to enjoy all the good things that life offers in the meanwhile. Help us to listen to you, day by day, in the little things — and then help us to do what you say. Waiting- Reflections, Stories and prayers, by Chris Leonard

found image on http://www.lylaandblu.com/post/16645732793-

Celebrate Waiting By Celebrating The Mundane.

This week- I’m feeling a bit off. It is just one of those weeks that it doesn’t feel right but nothing bad has really happened. To be honest, I was ready for something to start, and when I had to wait it threw me off my game. 

For weeks, I’ve been psyching myself up for the beginning my second semester of my Master’s program. I thought that it was yesterday that I began again however, early in the week I was thrown off completely when I found out it was next Thursday my course resumes a normal schedule. It’s not a huge deal to wait for that but it’s not what I’d prepared for.

Though uni didn’t start again, I still had to wake up myself up, get on a bus and head back to Derry begrudgingly.  I wasn’t going for a lecture but to sign my name on a little piece of paper that says I’m still legally in Northern Ireland. 

It seems sort of crazy sometimes that I have to make the hour and five minute bus ride to the other side of the country only just to sign a piece of paper for the UK Border Agency. With my particular type of Visa, I have to report every week I am still in the country and it can’t be done at the campus that is in Coleraine.

Even though I haven’t wanted to make the trip on occasion, every time I do I am reminded of the adventure that I get to be on.

In my first days in Northern Ireland, a lot of memories were forever imprinted in my mind. It was the second day as my friend and I made our way out of Ballymoney, through Coleraine, across Limavady Mountain, and into Londonderry. It was mid-morning, and I was feeling jet lag mixed with excitement as I sat on the wrong side of the car, watching new scenery go by and falling in love with this country. Every time I board the bus and begin the trek, I am reminded of that morning.  Every time I pass a field, I remember a word spoken. When I pass a certain farm, I remember a look. When I see a tunnel of trees, I remember thinking it was like an epic tale coming to life.

Truth is that day was grand, but it wasn’t the marked point of beginning for anything other than that day. We sit around waiting for an larger-than-life story to come about. I’m more and more convinced that the moments we often mistake as mundane are the ones that are truly the epic ones. We’re just too caught on a bigger picture that we bypass the smaller ones. Everyday, every event has potential to be something more. I want to make the monotony of life epic. 

Every day I get to do something I’ve never done before. We all can. I’m not special over another person because of where I am. There is just a heightened awareness, I suppose, that I have because everything feels brand new being in a new country.

I had to travel to Derry yesterday and I already said I did it begrudgingly at first. On the bus I was reminded of my adventure. So, I chose to celebrate the mundane.

Yesterday I browsed a used bookstore. It looked interesting from the outside and inside it was awesome. As he ate oat biscuits (cookies) and honey straight from the jar, the shopkeeper and I chatted about his shop. It had been around for 20 years in that location and another 20 years somewhere else. I spoke of the many volumes housed on his shelves that would be hard to come by in the States. He asked what I’d find at home and he got all excited about books on the ‘Wild West’. I love books and want my own library in my future home, so this killed me that I couldn’t buy anything on that trip, and it killed the shop owner too. But I’ll have to go back.

Next door to this shop, was the most inviting coffee shop called the Boston Tea Party. I’ve never been in, but I’d seen it on a tourism film, so I decided it was time to go. It was a perfect place for tea and a warm mince pie mid-afternoon.

Across the redbrick walkway was a tourist shop full of postcards, sheep, Celtic knots, woolen clothing, and Guinness memorabilia. The woman working in the shop sat next to a kettle and had just poured a cup of tea as if she was waiting for her friend to arrive.

Later, I boarded the bus again, ready to put these thoughts down. These simple things made my heart full. 

I’m not going to pretend that I not hoping for more exciting things to happen in my life. I want more striking tales. We should have an expectancy of more as we grow and learn. I came to Northern Ireland prepared for something semi-defined, and it's not what I am receiving. It threw me off. I’m in a time of life where I’m waiting for some of what I'd prepared for. I also know that I had misled preparation and some things just are not happening. 

Waiting feels less than impressive. When time passes excitement can fade and difficult thoughts are thrown in the mix. We don't want to deal with the ugly, but I can understand that there are beautiful things in waiting, like grace, knowledge, wisdom, strength. That second day, traveling through Northern Ireland, was not a short trip. A lot of time passed. It was a memorable day as it was also filled with a few weird silences, swirling questions, and fear.

But I like to think that I’ve come along in my knowledge to be conscious that life is now. I like to remember events as they show me where I've come from. There are things I’m called to do in this moment even while I wait for XYZ. The adventure is in the moment.

I challenge you and I challenge me- as we wait (or waited) for something to start, not to become thrown off our game when it doesn’t happen when we expect it to. There are better things being prepared for us.

Lady Wisdom

I enjoyed living alone. Yet I love having housemates. I love having housemates who seek after God's heart passionately! Seriously, I wish that I could record some of the conversations that happen in our home (I don't, it's a little creepish). If these conversations could be heard there would be expressions of excitement, wonder, and dreaming. There would be words of anguish, desire, and frustration. You'd hear of searching, longing, and hope. All of these words are a reflection of how God is showing himself uniquely to each woman that lives here.

The four of us are very different. We come from different countries and backgrounds so we experience life through different lenses. We each have areas that are very important to us where we are trying to grow and flourish.

Last Friday night Anna B and I were in the living room huddled around the fire. I was writing my last blog and Anna was journaling. Then Anna D came home and joined us by the fire. She too began writing or journaling. After a bit I stopped and took in the scene. All of our brains were working and processing through things. Ideas and dreams, thoughts and words were being cultivated. I sat there in the quiet just wondering what we all were thinking so diligently about. 

Awakening

I hear the crunching of the gravel beneath me feet. I see birds and little lizards darting about between the cacti and shrubs. I taste the dust that is swirling around me.  I smell the new morning air. I feel the warmth of the sun as it begins rising over the ridges. As I begin my early morning hike along the trails of South Mountain in the deserts of Phoenix, a melody drifts from my iPod growing from a simple note to a symphony. A cry comes from my heart:

For You and You alone
Awake my soul, awake my soul and sing
-Awakening, Chris Tomlin

These early morning hikes were my favorite. The trails had very few people on them.  Even the animals and plants seemed to be slowly waking up, as I would make my way up the mountain. I had yet to be distracted by the day's activities. I would hike up to the top of a ridgeline and sit and watch the valley come alive with the yellows and blues of the sunrise. And I would connect with God. I'm not sure that it was on these hikes where I knew Awaken (awake, awoke, and all the various forms) would be my word for 2011, but it was here that I really saw it begin to unfold in my life.

Holidays in Northern Ireland

Well, school is over for a bit, which means that it is time to focus on the holidays that have past and are around the corner. I cannot believe that it is time to be celebrating Christmas in just a few days. Where has this year gone? 

Every holiday has it's unique qualities to it, and this is not the first time I've been separated from my family for the holidays. I used to say I wasn't big on tradition and in some ways I'm not, but I am just realizing that my traditions are in constant transformation. Bits and pieces make it one year to the next or they'll skip a year or two to come back at a later date. The biggest tradition I do see now, whether I' at home or away, holidays means including people who've no other place to go. Joining together for a meal or even a drink to celebrate being together is where I see grace in the holidays.

I remember my first big holiday away from home. It was my sophmore year of college and I was unable to go home for Thanksgiving. It was so odd sitting in someone elses home, eating odd things for Thanksgiving, and feeling completely welcomed into their family. From that day on I said if I couldn't be home I would join strangers, and if I could be home then strangers would be welcomed in.

Being here in Northern Ireland, I'm looking at two Thanksgivings being away, at least one Christmas, and all the others that follow. In efforts to not feel so seperated, the celebrations will continue.

Thanksgiving:

There are at least 4 American's here that I spend time with on a regular basis- Anna, my housemate; Autumn, from my home church in Arizona; Becky, an intern at Causeway Coast Vineyard. Anna's parents flew to Northern Ireland for Thanksgiving, and like amazing parents, made us a fabulous feast for the Thanksgiving. A few Irish friends gave us a hard time and said we were in another country so we shouldn't celebrate it. Well, first off they confuse the idea of Thanksgiving with our independence day, and that we are giving thanks for freedom from England. But in reality, they were just jealous of the food that they weren't able to eat.

 

Christmas:

There are Irish Traditions I wanted to experience too while I'm in another country. No better way to do that then to throw yourself in the middle of them. Near the end of November or the beginning of December, each town has a tree lighting ceremony. After this night, all of the Christmas lights will be illuminated through town. Now I'm not sure this is what happens at all of the celebrations, but in Coleraine, there was a parade and costumed people everywhere. People lined the Town Center to watch. It was seriously the cutest thing I've seen yet here. The costumes were not what I expected- though I'm not sure what I expected. The video gives a bit better view of them.

 
There are many other little things that I'm seeing here that are just great for the holidays. Christmas Caroler's in the Town Center. Mulled Wine and Mince Pies are the tradition for holiday food. Mulled wine is sooo good. Red wine with fruit juices and spices served warm (yes there are alcoholic and non-alcoholic versions). Warm fires! Ah, I have conquered building a fire and it's an awesome feeling knowing I can do it. Watching a fire burn may become my new past time. The project music through out town, though I haven't heard any specific songs that are special to Northern Ireland. It's the same ol' same ol' music, which I love.

Then there is the Belfast Christmas Market. Ok, I'm a sucker for street faires anyhow, but mix Christmas lights and international foods, and BAILEY'S HOT CHOCOLATE, and I am sold! Yes those cups we hold in our hands is not my traditional warm drink of coffee. Bailey's hot chocolate was the only way to go that day. The market was set in the front of City Hall in the center of Belfast. There were booths set up in selling plants, jewelery, woolen goods, and yummy foods. Besides food, I was very excited about the woolen gloves I bought. Also pictured holding that Bailey's hot chocolate. These gloves are woolen, they are finger-tip-less, they convert to mittens, they are yellow(primarily) and they are lined with fleece. Aaaamazing! Autumn and I took the train there for the afternoon and we walked around other areas of Belfast as well. We walked over to Victoria Square, a mall in the area, and checked out the shopping. We also saw a bit of a commotion while we were there as Verne Troyer (aka Mini Me) was there giving an interview. I knew he'd be short but I'm highly doubting he'd come more than a few inches above my knee. I felt like a giant and I wasn't even next to him.

Christmas Eve came next. Well Christmas week did and it involved a lot of my adoptive Christmas family. Some friends from church invited me and Autumn to join them and their sons for Christmas. However, they knew all of our housemates were going to be gone, and since I live around the corner from them, the invite was extended to many other nights. This family was absolutely incredible and I feel so blessed to know them all. The sons are good craic (good fun) and they definitely like to joke around. The week had some practical jokes that made it a meomorable Christmas.

On the 23rd, I stayed with Autumn and in the morning of Christmas Eve, we baked and made goodies. Autumn knew I liked to bake and cook but she didn't know how much. She kept laughing at me becuase I was so into what I was doing. Lack of sleep and a lot of coffee added to my silly mood. Then we had Chinese for dinner, which is a tradition of mine for Christmas Eve. After dinner we headed down the hill to the church for a carol service. The service was really great, but I missed having candles lighting up the room. Then there was an open house at the same home that I'd spend the next day. More mulled wine, and delicious treats.

Christmas Day, to be honest, I expected to be really difficult. I've spent many holidays seperated from family. Even holidays with family have had their share of difficulty. However, I really, really was touched by God's love. You know, it says that He will set the lonely in families and it really came true this year. The day started around 10am with coffee, then we had a little service of sorts. We took time to soak in worship then each person recieved prayers spoken by each of the rest of us. It was so awesome! After that it was Dinner time! A new tradition I've never heard of are the crackers. They look like giant wrapped candies but in fact they are tubes with a prize, a hat and a joke inside. At dinner you grab hold of your cracker and the one belonging to your neighbor then you pull them apart to crack them. you get the prize, and have to wear the hat for dinner. Interesting idea. The rest of the afternoon was presents, games, chit-chat and much laughter. I did get to skype to most of my family just before midnight on Christmas (this is when the 7 hour time delay was beneficial). The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day. It just means more food and more family. It was a good day.

But tonight.. Well tonight is New Year's Eve. I'm looking forward to some fun.

It's been one heck of a year!

Hope is not a momentary flicker.
Hope is Eternity's slow, steady,
Illumining and fulfilling height.

- source unknown

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 5

12 days ago I wrote: "At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying."

This is the maybe more...

It's really crazy laying your life before everyone and saying your doing it. There's something about speaking it that gives life to change. In this week, almost 2 weeks now, that I have been writing this blog series on dreams and desires, God continues to bless me and open my eyes to more and more things that he's helped me through over time. He's opening my eyes to the desires of my heart that he's giving me. He's shown me how he's given me hope and strength in so many situations that I discounted.

One day in my lifetime, I am going to call myself thin and believe it. I'm not there yet. But where I am, I can call myself beautiful and believe it and that is a huge testimony to God and his transforming power! He’d tell me "Daughter, I am enthralled with your beauty!" (Psalms 45). Even this though, was once a dream and a desire I wanted to believe and embrace—that God thought I was beautiful, that others thought that I was beautiful, that I thought I was beautiful, but it seemed like a dream that was way too unattainable.

If there's a subject close to my love life that is as uncomfortable to talk about, it's my weight. It is still far easier still to talk weight than love though. But it's easier because of the journey I've been on in the past 2 years. Two years ago I was tired. I was sick. I was depressed. My emotions were all over the board. And I was supposed to be in a wedding. I had had my measurements taken for the bridesmaid dress and I remember dreading the phone call to the store in CA where the dresses were being ordered. The call was almost as bad as I feared it would be. The amazing part was I was already 60lbs less then when I was at my heaviest

My desire from childhood was to be thin, but I wasn't. When I was eleven, I went was going to a summer camp. We had to go to the doctors and have a medical form completed for the camp. When I saw my weight on that form, it was the last time I looked at my weight until I was in college. Shattered could describe the feeling that consumed me.

Shatter is also what God wants to do with that image I have in my head of who I am.

Through out life, I actually didn't see myself as overweight. I knew I was but it didn't really click, and so it didn't register as I continued to go higher and higher on the scale. Then the summer between senior year of high school and the first year of college happened. When you graduate high school there are a lot of pictures. When you plan on going 3,000 miles away for school there are a lot of pictures. In those pictures I started to see who I had become, but I couldn't own up to it. Then I was in Southern California for school. SoCal Culture 101: skimpy clothes, beautiful people, and scrutinizing looks everywhere. I felt the pain of my situation

My sophomore year I owned up to it, and began losing weight. I maintained it mostly. But it started coming back. And I felt the desire was dying again.

But in my weakness after those measurements for the bridesmaid dress, the desire was sparked to life again. I heard God saying I need to get healthy, and that meant mind, body and spirit and the journey began.

I hate the fact that women and men (men are not exempt at all) live under such scrutiny of beauty and physical appearance. It destroys us all. We go to extremes because of it. But God wants to break us of those extremes.



In each of these pictures, I felt beautiful when it was being taken. Each picture was a moment where I had confidence to know that I was on the right path to being a better person. Each picture holds a triumph. The first picture was me in the wedding in Nov '10. The center picture was taken last summer at the Giant's Causeway of Northern Ireland (47 lbs. lighter than the wedding). The final picture was taken 2 days ago in Northern Ireland (50 lbs. lighter than the G.C). Buying that sweatshirt was a triumph. It was a medium! I've been wearing some medium shirts but sweatshirts— this was a first! They were out of the larges that I first looked for but instead of giving in and going to the XL next I went to the medium. I tried in on in the middle of the Student Union store where any person walking in could see me, so there was a risk of embarrassment if it didn't fit. I shouldn't have worried.

This isn't an easy road. I've been doing weight watchers for 2 years and it's hard being focused. It's hard getting past comments of you're loosing to much weight (do you hear what you're saying?). It's hard getting past the temptations, "You've been so good, and you can cheat a little today." It's been hard exercising. It's been hard getting over the mental hurdles. It's even harder throwing myself into a new country that measures food differently, where nutrition labels are different, and where pastries and sweet are so amazing! I live in a house where we share cooking the meals, and we split the groceries, so food choices are not always mine, again making it difficult. And I'll admit I've not been the best since moving here.

I've had some cool stories though since I've been here. One involves this awesome magenta coat. A new friend and I were chatting about shopping. I mentioned I'd gone into a store to figure out my size since they're slightly different here, and that I was looking for a winter coat. She had a couple that she was going to donate anyhow so offered them to me. If they fit I could have them. Looking at here I was thinking there's no way they would. Surprise, surprise! They did fit. Other stories were of a couple people not recognizing me because of my weight loss. It's little things that mean so much.

As I said though, as I have been writing this series, I've been amazed at what God is showing me little things. He keeps saying, "Hey, remember this one too!" My desire for becoming as beautiful in my mind as I am in God is another thing He has stirring in me. He's stirring a passion to share my story because there are people who need to hear it. I don't know who those people are, but they're out there. So even when I climb the stairs every day and see a full length mirror and sometime I want to say negative things, I have to remember that is not God's desire for me. Every time I look at my "Transformed" album on Facebook and go through the progress pictures I have, I need to hear God saying "Daughter, I'm enthralled by your beauty!"

Every bit of weight loss is a milestone now. AND, AND, AND!!! I am so happy to report that the number I saw on that medical form when I was eleven will be surpassed with another just 13 pounds. God is good and I want to be the best I can for him.