Oceans

I was listening to a lecture the other day for a course I am a taking and on two separate points, I felt a nagging at my heart. It was like God was saying “Pay attention to this, Katie. This is something you need to hear right now.” After processing it through, I’ve now thought maybe I need to pass on my thoughts to others.

My thoughts were snagged at the first point, when he began discussing Biblical references to water and “the deep” of Genesis 1:2. The lecturer was explaining that often times this passage of the deep as being sin, evil, and deception in the Bible, but instead it was formless and but it was about to be given life through the breath of God.

Hmm… bear with…switching gears for a moment now.

We all have our things that make us uncomfortable and the discomfort easily slips into varying degrees of fear. I don’t even have to think about mine, or maybe I spend too much time thinking about mine. The thing(s) that make me most uncomfortable is being in water and anything that occurs below the surface of large bodies of water. From the shifting sands below my feet when I stand knee deep and the animals that live below, to the cracks and crevices of land that has shifted and changed over time. Even the thought of the large amount of wreckage from storms that has been lost to the depths of the sea, it awful. I just don’t like it. Mainly, I would talk the about my discomfort of how animals are on the far end of the scale for it all in creeping me out. I avoid them at all cost in the ocean, lakes, or aquariums. And I do not, I repeat DO NOT, enter their territory. Mind you, I know that many animals can move quietly, can appear out of nowhere, and have the power to overtake me quite easily, and not just those animals dwelling in water. Humans too, have the same behavior. Yet, under the surface of the water so much more is at risk than just the animals.

Ironically, I have lived within close proximity of the ocean (100 miles or less) for more than 20 years of my life. I love spending time on the beach. The smell and sounds of the beach is an incredible gift to my senses. And now that I’m living in the desert, the ocean is the environment I miss more than any other. This origin of this sense of dread toward the ocean is something I can’t fully explain because it was once non-existent. I enjoyed my time when I played in the ocean as a child. I used to study ocean animals with fervor (ask my family about the 4^th grade month-long focus on whales, oi vey). I never have been caught in a rip-tide. I have had some incidents with animals (eels and marlins), but even when those happened it didn’t stop me in the moment. Yet, I distinctly remember in my university years not wanting to go out on the Ocean Beach Pier in San Diego because it extended a quarter mile out into the water where the likelihood of danger grew with each step. The fear presented itself and grew from there.

Recently, I was at the Titanic Museum in Belfast, Northern Ireland. In the year and a half it had been open, I wasn’t too keen to go to the museum. However, I was with a friend, and we had agreed we were doing touristy type things, so to the Titanic we went. It was indeed interesting. Yet, as we moved along chronological layout of the ship’s history, eventually we would approach the demise of the famed ship, where I knew we couldn’t escape without some exposure to the wreckage. This meant underwater. As we entered a theater showing a short documentary, I felt the shift in my mind, setting in the unease. There were the sound effects of sonar pings and the breathing through masks. It had the visuals of animals crawling across the ocean floor and things growing on the boat. Even then cheesy commentary did nothing to help. I was more and more uncomfortable. Only five minutes passed, yet it felt so much more drawn out. Then we went downstairs to a movie screen with frightening creatures. I just passed through the room with little to no slowing and waited for my friend. The situation was just humorous to her.

What I’ve come to realize over much thinking. Is that what scares me most about the deep waters is the unpredictable nature of the environment, compounded with lack of control and loss of senses.

I’ve been fully submerged. It can feel like time is standing still, then everything moves at hyper speed. You can’t hear anything, then sounds are suddenly amplified. You can’t speak or breathe without additional equipment. And known water dwelling species are larger than any other land dwelling animals. There deeper in, the less light there is. All of these things are what scares me.

Going back to my lecture, the second point that he came to was through Genesis 1:2 where it says, “The earth was formless and empty, and darkness covered the deep waters. And the Spirit of God was hovering over the surface of the waters.” From here light was introduced, and separation of sky and water, and life came forth. What the lecturer said was that the dark and the deep were still things of God and he thought they were good. Good! The things I fear he says are good!

Out of the dark, he brought us so much more than we could imagine. Over the dark, God hovered. From the beginning, he covered the darkness with His Power, and His Strength, and His Glory. He wasn’t afraid of it! This hit me straight between the eyes. Somewhere I lost the wonder of the ocean’s depths and it was replaced with anxiety and dread. My fascination with the animals was replaced with an unhealthy view that they were too powerful and strong for me. And somewhere along the line I’ve taken a view that my journey in draws me deeper into the unsafe, uncontrollable, dangerous unknown without a protector. The only false part of that is that I do have a protector. My Protector has never stopped hovering and breathing life into me.

Even with the Titantic, they had a protector. The museum portrayed, in brutal honesty, that the captains were warned by many ships moving along only hours ahead of them, moving in the same path, that there were treacherous iceburgs and that they ought to slow down and keep watch. But they moved ahead into the darkness not listening to the voices speaking to them. Oh, they moved unafraid foolishly, and found what rightly describe by the warnings. It was a decision that was destructive to so many.

It's in this message that God has been speaking to me this week, that when I am afraid and unwilling to step into His goodness and allow His breath to fill me, then consequence befall me and others.

It's interesting to me when God wants to communicate, he repeats the message. Just tonight, as I read through the passage of my Bible-In-One-Year app on my phone, they featured the book of Jonah. Talk about dealing with what scares me. Jonah decided one type of darkness (Nineveh) wasn’t good enough and he choose a different way straight into a storm and the stomach of a whale. His choice brought consequences to himself and others on board that ship and delayed the promise of God to the Ninevites. God had an animal large enough to swallow a human and keep him alive—the same ones that make me cringe— as a tool waiting in the deep for his exact purpose.

Maybe you’re like me, though you can step into the ocean with ease, your “things of the deep” are keeping you from what is available to you in God’s power. Perhaps you have different issues like a job situation, a family struggle, emotional distress or any number of things that feel out of your control. From Genesis 1 we know that these things are near to God and he can call them good. It’s time to release the fear and remember God is hovering, ready to bring light into your dark deep places.

______

As a side note: 

I can think of at least three people who will read this and will now, even more fervently insist I go swimming in the ocean again. I'm not hopping on a plane to do it, but one day I will. Promise.

Generosity – Part 3

Generosity and identity – those are key terms for me in this past year. I understand more fully that they aren't interchangeable, but you can't be generous without knowing a sense of your identity.

I’m still taken by Jeff Shinebarger's book, More or Less: Choosing to Live a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity that I wrote on in part one. In his book, there is a chapter titled 'More Than Enough,' that touches on the topic of identity and generosity. It has fuelled part of this post.

It seems like we have an innate struggle to see ourselves in a positive light. It is always said we are our own worst critics. We fear our incapability. We dismiss our opinions. We are quick to point out our flaws. We put out the idea to others and to ourselves that we aren’t worthy.

Generosity – Part 2

Yesterday I posted about Generosity and how it has been challenging me. Today, as I was checking a blog from one of my favorite author Donald Miller on his Storyline Blog. It was titled 'A Surprising Way to Become More Generous." I was intrigued. The post isn't actually written by Miller, but a guest contributor, Allison Vesterfelt. Upon reading her post, it described me and my heart towards generosity at times.

So instead of writing it myself, I re-post her blog for you to read. The original post can be found here.

A Surprising Way to Become More Generous

I used to think I was a generous person. Then, I met my husband.

Generosity – Part 1

I have tapped the keys of my keyboard here for several minutes, and I have spent many minutes, hours, days thinking over what I want to write here. The word generosity—the meaning it holds, the action it requires, the freedom and the pain it brings— has enraptured my thoughts of recent.

Generous/generosity is not an uncommon word though it may not be everyday we hear it spoken. Chances are, the meaning of it is not lost on you. But to clarify this is the meaning, taken from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary.

Generous

a : characterized by a noble or forbearing spirit
b : liberal in giving
c : marked by abundance or ample proportions

I’ve been in Encounter School of Mission, and we often talked about generosity of our time and our prayers. Our pastor has done a sermon series on generosity. I have been exposed to the generosity of others support for me to be in Northern Ireland. I hear it all around me.

Possibly a month ago, in my email, or Facebook newsfeed, I was alerted to an offer of an audiobook that could be downloaded. I saw it had ‘generous’ in the title, and I decided I needed to get it. Not only was generous in the title, but it read excessive generosity. What?!? Excessive? The book, More or Less: Choosing to Live a Lifestyle of Excessive Generosity written by Jeff Shinabarger is about a man’s exploration into generosity and how through many social experiments of his friends, his wife, and he himself found that we live in access and abundance. And in that excess we can change the world by being generous with it. I cannot recommend this book more. I listened to it in a day or two, and have played the chapters over and over again.

I am thinking that one post on generosity is not enough to get my thoughts out properly. If I tried, it would be a novel, so I’ll spare you and break it into bit size pieces. More or less, has challenged my thinking chapter by chapter. It breaks down what we think is ‘enough’ in areas of time, food, clothing, convenience. On more than one occasion, I was chomping at the bit to clear out my room, to give things away, to find where I have excess. And then seconds later, I see that I am in a place of need as well. I found a brokenness and weakness in me where I know I utterly depend on the generosity of others. Some of the levels of need recently have been more than I’ve ever experienced in life—that’s a painful reality.

There are a lot of things I have and want. There are a lot of things I have done. There are a lot places I've visited. There are many books I have read. There are many conveniences in my life. There are many friends in my life. I could keep going. For all that I have, there is an equal amount of what I have not. But all in all, there is abundance.

Out of my abundance, I am seeing opportunity for moments to change the world. Out of my need it shifts my perspective to understand those who’ve been in my place.

I can’t guarantee you’ll find a radical mind shift too towards generosity. Read this book. Listen to the sermon series. Or don’t. But I ask you to be willing to ask and be asked the question, where is there excess that you can live and give from?

Church Planting

I have known for a while, ok about 10 years, that church planting was going to be a part of my future. But it always seemed far off.

A few springs ago, God reminded me of it on a hike and this was my response:

What! Really?! No way? Crap. No- it will be good. Scratch that. it will  be great!. Seriously? Ok.

Where you go I'll go. Where you lead I will go.

When I came to Northern Ireland, I kind of knew, that God was speaking into this more, I just needed to listen. There were a couple of people who were in the process of planting churches. I considered them and prayed about them, but those don't seem right. Recently, far more consistently and clearly, God speaking to me about church planting. It doesn't seem as far off in time.

Things are shifting. Things are gettting exciting. Things are getting out of the comfort zone.

I guess I would continue to ask for prayer, guidence and support.

Encounter Gets Out Of Coleraine

With Encounter School of Mission, we have our teaching days and then we have our practical days. Often the practical days are in Coleraine, the town that we're based in. It's easy and we really focus on trying to impact our local community. But on occasion we go out to the town.

Recently we've gone to Derry and Enniskillen, both in Northern Ireland, and Sligo, in the south. They've been interesting trips.

Derry 

I really love meeting people while I'm traveling. Because of my personal interest in travel, I'm always curious why people are on the move so it provides opportunity to talk and pray with people. We had earlier in the year gone to another town on a train, and it was one of my favorite days. We'd missed our return train but I ended up talking to a woman called Ruby for 45 minutes. She and her husband were caretakers of a church, and she was traveling to get fitted for a leg brace. In that time we prayed for her leg, but she wanted to pray for revival in her church. Heck yes! Of course I wanted to pray with her about that. It was so good. Any how that day had made me love Encounter travel days, and my leaders knew this, so they asked me to lead the group to go to Derry.

What have I been up to?

It's been a good amount of time since I've written a post about what is happening over here in Northern Ireland with me. Well there is a reason for that. I have been so busy with my university work and have had such a drive to get things done that it's left me at point where I felt I needed to make some time management choices. I have not wanted to leave the blog without posts, but it takes me so much time to write, that I just did not get a post up. But also, as I said in another small blog, I needed to share some things with my family before I posted it here and catching each other on Skype seems sometimes difficult for us to do.

So back to my university work ... it's what's kept me very busy. Right now, I am finishing the second semester out of three for my master's degree. This course has had it's ups and downs but I've found that it is pushing me further than I ever thought it would have.

Before coming to Northern Ireland I had very little information in regards to the program I would be undertaking. Looking back it's probably good that I hadn't know much about it, had I any clue what that course would really be, there is high probability that I wouldn't have applied. It's called the Master's of Design Communication. I had many questions from people when I began what the communication part meant. I now know—it means business. This is a design and business course. In this semester, I am finishing a few classes about being an entrepreneur. I have and am searching for funding options. I am writing a market analysis. I have written sales pitches. I have used the terms 'customer' and 'user' far more than I thought I ever would. There is the design part of it all and that has been fun and challenging, but it's the easier part of it all. Business is not my thing. These types of things do not align to how my brain easily functions. But this challenge—it's an opportunity. It is a door being opened to me. It is an invitation from our creator to be take a spark, an idea, a hope He's placed in me to and make it more than just course work. SOOOOOOOOO MUCH MORE!

I am part of a church here in Northern Ireland called Causeway Coast Vineyard, and it's a wonderful community that really embraces this idea that we are God's Trusted Rulers. We are people chosen to carry the message of God into all areas of life- our jobs, our homes, our schooling— any place we go. In the evenings, once a month they've began a gathering called Sacred Space for 20s/30s and it has the on-going theme of How Can I Change The World? Back in February when then first one occurred, I sat listening to the speaker talk about politics and affecting the outcome of our cities with the decisions we make at the polls and through initiatives we follow or ignore. I was really intrigued and my brain was working overtime. How can I change my world? How? My course work was on the forefront of my mind. I began praying about it during that service, and then I overwhelmingly sensed God as he began speaking to me. What He spoke was that the work I was completing, yeah, it wasn't going to be just course work, but a project His hand is on. It's something He has put in me. He showed me, it is among the reasons I'm in Northern Ireland in this program I didn't know much about and in this community of Coleraine. And, it's only beginning. I left Sacred Space that night, excited and scared. I knew I needed to begin talking and sharing about the work I was doing.

The project I am working on is called The Community Hope Project, and it is an interactive website that holds the premise that a city can be changed and transformed through Hope. It works on the idea that when people participate in simple actions of storytelling, service, and appreciation, the face of city will begin to reflect a hopefulness that can then change economies, schools, neighborhoods, friendships and more. The support of the project is that when we place value on the hope we carry as a community, the hope will begin to reflect back to us, and the whole dynamic of a community can change. The project begins as a website that bridges the people of the community—the organizations and the individuals. It is a gathering place where stories of hope and inspiration can be shared in written or photographic form. It hosts a database of community organizations throughout Coleraine, listing their contact information and descriptions. The site will offer a listing of volunteer opportunities. These opportunities will satisfy the needs of the organizations but also allow the volunteers to be involved where they have more interest and feel they can make a stronger contribution. Finally, the site includes a place were you can simply say thank you to a community organization or another person, just because they’ve done something good for you.

I have gotten many questions on why I am doing this project. Why complete an entire masters course on Hope? At first I it was hard to answer that. It was just something I was so drawn to. I could not think of another topic that was going to keep my interest for an entire year, but the words 'Community' and 'Hope' rang in my thoughts all the time. These words were the only thing I could begin to think about. At the time the course was beginning, Hope was what I was clinging to myself, and I needed help to find it.

When I moved into Coleraine, as I often do in a new place, I went out and explored. I saw that Coleraine is an incredible community, and one that has a lot to give. But in my experience coming to Coleraine, there were and are people who don't see that value.

I feel that in that night at Sacred Space, God was telling me that the value of this town, the outlying areas, and all of Northern Ireland need to be shown and told what that value can be, but it needs to be from the voices of all who are here.

My project, until that night in February, was a case study– something I did not think would go further than September of this year. But as a believer, as one who sees and know the Hope of God— how could I talk about Hope, how could I study it, and research its affects, and purpose ways to spread hope in a community, but then drop it? I can't.

With my teachers at the uni, I began talking about it the project as something I was going to make a real go at instead of a case study. I was basically told that they'd been waiting for me to say that. It had potential that could not just be left at the end of the program. I shared the project with a few of the Pastors at the church, and as encouragers of trusted rulers, they have given so much support. They have prayed for me and they have motivated me. They have also introduced me to key figures of who could help me make this go further. I have shared this with my family. They needed to hear about these thoughts and plans before I announced it to the world, but they too are supportive.

I am excited to say that I'm trying to make The Community Hope Project a live program. I'm not sure how it's going to happen– be it an initiative through the Coleraine Borough Council or a non-profit organization. However, to make it a live thing, it changes my plans for after school is complete. I have felt that school was the beginning of my time here and that there would be more, and maybe this is it. My actions are moving towards staying in Northern Ireland to see what God is going to do with this project. It will take skill, it will take money, and it will take many other people.

It’s been a struggle to wrap my head around it all. My human nature says I am not qualified, but My Saviour says I am. The course has taught me skills I would not have had before and it's equipping me. If I had known about the business aspect of this course I wouldn't have been in this program. Nevertheless, the path God has sets us on is only fully seen when we look back isn't it? He brought me thus far.

Since this shift in February, I have had a strong purpose and drive in this project, and I'm seeing so much favor on it. It makes me want to go higher, push further, and walk blindly, because it's under control.

So what's next:
I finish the semester this week, but I'll continue with the programming and the research of the site. I will continue to look for funding. I will begin a process for my next visa. I look for other people to get involved, which seems to happen. I will complete semester three.

In the last few weeks, I have searched for funding, and been pointed in a couple of strong directions. And I'm trying to follow through with them. One I sent an inquiry to, they wanted to hear more, and wanted to know how much money I would need. Their award limit was £5,000 and I have asked for that. It will not be enough for it all, but it's a start. That was a nerve-racking moment pressing send on that email as £5,000 is a lot. A LOT.

Another direction is the Coleraine Borough Council- the governing body of the town. This coming Tuesday, I've been invited to a meeting with them, to present my project. This is a huge step.

I need your prayers for this project. On Tuesday, I need prayers for wisdom, eloquence of words, and ease of nerves.

This has been a really long post, so thank you for your attention if you've made it this far. I so appreciate the thoughts and kind words I've received as there's been a quiet period from me. Things are slowing down for a short bit before another crazy period. I hope in that time of the next few weeks to post more about the travels I've done, and will be doing and just about some other things that are happening with me. Please as always, send me updates on you. I love to hear how things are in your lives, and how I can be praying for you. Selah.

If you want to see the background work on my project, smaller glimpses of the thoughts and processes I’ve been going through, have a look at the uni blog I’ve been keeping.
http://kmilburn-mdes.blogspot.com

Sacred Space

I keep getting questions from home on what is happening with me here in Northern Ireland. I want to write a proper blog, but the reality is that I am in the last two weeks of the semester for my Master's course. I'll get a small break before summer session starts and I can't wait.
It's been a very challenging and rewarding semester.  It course work I am doing became something so much more than I every expected. I realized it as I sat in Sacred Space with others in my church.

The message is all about how we can change our world. Until I can write more about how I am working fervently to change my world, I highly suggest listening to these videos and clips and be challenge as well.


This is the description of Sacred Space.
Sacred Space provides a variety of different environments for those in their 20’s and 30’s to become involved in Causeway Coast Vineyard. Our passion and desire is to gather, equip and empower young adults to be everyday revolutionaries in changing the world around through living radically for Jesus.

Our core values are:

1. A passionate love for Jesus – it all begins and ends with Him
2. Living and cultivating a supernatural lifestyle which demonstrates the kingdom of God in power
3. Pursuing a radical life of generous justice and mercy
4. Creativity that changes the culture around us

April's Sacred Space:

March's Sacred Space:

February's Sacred Space: 

http://soundcloud.com/dave-lynas/20120219-193414

Love Your Enemies.

Love your enemies is a phrase I'd heard before. I thought I understood it, but when there's no one I had thought of as an enemy, it was a bit hard to grasp. This week I started to understand it a little more, and it's a hard one to grasp.

The final week of February, it was Thursday and I was trying to arrange to meet for lunch while I was in between lectures with my friend and former housemate from Derry. I didn't get a text from her until later that evening, and it was then she informed me of the trial. It was the dreaded news we'd been waiting on. It was the trial that another previous housemate would be having in regard to his assault on this girl's brother. It was to happen on Monday. She wasn't needed there, nor was I, however her brother had to appear. Because, I didn't need to be there, I shouldn't have been overly concerned, yet the weekend proved a bit trying for me to put it out of my mind. I tried to not think about it. I had some luck but it came back a couple of times.

You see, until a weekend in October, even the way we joke about "the bad guys," seemed irrelevant to me. No one had truly been a bad guy in my mind. But that Friday night, this man on trial became a bad guy. I'd never felt terror until him. I'd never seen violence in my home until him. I'd never encountered answering the door and leading the police into a belligerent man, while my heart beat triple time, until him. I'd never felt like I needed to constantly check over my shoulder from palpable fear until him.

He had terrorized our home and assaulted another person. It is not anything I would ever want to experience again. Although I removed myself from the home, I still must walk by it when I return to the University each week, and I always feel uneasiness.

Throughout Monday, I was waiting anxiously to hear from my friend and her brother. What was the outcome? What would be his punishment?

The text came in the evening—one text then another. The first text said that the trial was over and he'd been found guilty. The second one said that not only had he done these acts to our house, he'd then moved onto another and done it again.

My first reaction was anger. AGAIN? He did it again? Then bewilderment. His sentence didn't seem long enough. Then it came. The sorrow. It was unexpected, completely unexpected. I began crying. I wasn't crying because of anger or hurt. They were tears because I felt broken for him. Trust me, this is not what I wanted to feel. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to say that jail time was what I wanted. But compassion took over.

Why God, why do I feel compassion for this man? And he answered quietly, "Because I do."

This man has made many, many poor decisions that have left his life in a chaotic state. In the early days I had known him, before anything had happened, he'd shared with me about some hurt and pain he had experienced. Whether that led to these poor decisions or not, I will not know, but he carries them. Now, there's more hurt piled on him. My only job is to forgive him for his actions toward me, not to hold them over him, demanding further punishment.

I've struggled the entire week with it. Loving our enemies is hard to do, but when you can recognize who are our true enemies and also who our Heaven Father is, it is much harder to not love them. At least, this is my case. I'm not done learning this lesson yet.

Today I'm in L'Derry. I walked by the house again and I felt the uneasiness. As I walked by, the tears came too.

Write down the revelation

Habakkuk 2:1-3 NIV

¹I will stand at my watch
   and station myself on the ramparts;
I will look to see what he will say to me,
   and what answer I am to give to this complaint.^[a]

The LORD’s Answer

 ² Then the LORD replied:   “Write down the revelation
   and make it plain on tablets
   so that a herald^[b] may run with it.
³ For the revelation awaits an appointed time;
   it speaks of the end
   and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it;
   it^[c] will certainly come and will not delay.

I was struck by this passage this morning. In the three verses, there is so much that speaks this morning.

Write down the revelation and make it plain on the tablets so that a herald may run with it.  

Write the revelation down. This makes me think of how people say to write down your dreams and then watch them happen, as if putting them in writing make something actually happen. I think it's true. When you write things down you give something a voice. Something becomes a bit more solid and more thought out perhaps. The thoughts, even if it's on a sticky note that gets folded up and shoved in a drawer, one day comes around again. A parent’s journal may get leafed through years down the road by a child or grandchild where they discover what made the parent who they were. Tablets with inscriptions get uncovered in archaeological digs that show us more insight to the ancient world.

Can you imagine journals or diaries being thrown away? Entries written, the book filled up, then thrown away with not even a moment taken to read past entries before discarding them. This is what I used to do and now partially wish I'd never done. My thoughts were that they were filled with hurt and pain that I didn't want to relive. I still believe it true that the time period covered in those discard journals was a painful time, but I now know they've been covered by grace and mercy. I’m able to look back with gladness to where I've come from and who God has made me to be because of and in spite of the pain. 

Write down the revelation. I am one who often writes in a journal and my habit has changed. I keep the journals. I pour over them on a regular basis. It's part of my dialogue between God, and myself, and it is something I find so helpful. It allows me to work out emotions and thoughts on paper that just need to escape my head. Reading through them I see where my ancient ruins are and where there was beauty in that.

Some ideas make it from my journal to this blog. I began this blog as a way to chronicle my time in Northern Ireland away from my home and all who was familiar to me. It was a way that people could know some of what was happening in my life while I was here. I think my intentions were to share a bit more of the simple things: I went on a walk here, I met a person with an interesting accent there, school is proving to be _____... and the list goes on. Those are things I have been sharing that, but if you've read any of the blogs it's not the flavor of them all. The blog has become sort of my journal of thoughts and revelations of how God is transforming me and challenging me. I want to write it down and share it, because I can't seem to work it out sometimes when it's only in my head. Sometimes things are disjointed. Ok, honestly, they're often disjointed. I don't claim to be a theologian or historian. I just try to walk daily with God and listen to what He is saying. And then I want to share it, because isn't that what we are called to? When we feel the love of Christ pouring into us, aren't we supposed to share it with others?

There is also a part of the above verse that says so that a herald may run with it. A herald is a person who reads what's written. My words, my thoughts, get written here and I do come back to them. However blogs aren’t meant for the writer. Once a post is up, I don't know who all reads them or how the find it. A few unexpected readers have told me that they have, and I can only think that it is God's hand doing that. My incomplete thoughts, mediocre grammar, and hopeful seeking are tools I get to put to use. Let people read and run with it. I hope it’s something to learn from, question, discuss.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.

I write this blog, because I am learning from God. And I am waiting on God. I've said it loads of times. There is something big He's doing in me and that it is why I am in Northern Ireland. He clearly called me here, but now that I’m here it is time to wait. Changes are happening, slowly. I write what changes I see. Look at the way The Message write part of this passage:

This vision-message is a witness pointing to what's coming. It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!

It describes it as an ache. Yeah, that sounds about right. Sometimes it has felt like a physical ache to know what God is doing, to know what his vision is pointing to. I’ve never thought about how it might be an ache for God to fulfill his promises for us. 

Wait for it

The end of that passage reads "Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay." Two concepts that are complete opposites are in that phrase- linger and will not delay- is hard sometimes for me to reconcile. It's not hard to reconcile for the Lord. Where we see linger, he sees will not delay. 

He will continue to show me His way as I seek for it. I will keep waiting. I will keep writing. I will trust. 

My prayer for this comes from a book I am reading on Waiting, the same that highlighted this verse.

Lord, when you give a definite promise, or confirm that one of our most potent dreams will come to pass, it's really hard when nothing appears to happen. Help us neither lose sight of your promise nor obsess about it. That's a big ask, Lord- we're only human! And we don't see everything clearly — for example that we're maturing in the process or that you want us to complete something now that we won't be able to do then. Be with us in the waiting. Help us to enjoy all the good things that life offers in the meanwhile. Help us to listen to you, day by day, in the little things — and then help us to do what you say. Waiting- Reflections, Stories and prayers, by Chris Leonard

found image on http://www.lylaandblu.com/post/16645732793-

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 5

12 days ago I wrote: "At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying."

This is the maybe more...

It's really crazy laying your life before everyone and saying your doing it. There's something about speaking it that gives life to change. In this week, almost 2 weeks now, that I have been writing this blog series on dreams and desires, God continues to bless me and open my eyes to more and more things that he's helped me through over time. He's opening my eyes to the desires of my heart that he's giving me. He's shown me how he's given me hope and strength in so many situations that I discounted.

One day in my lifetime, I am going to call myself thin and believe it. I'm not there yet. But where I am, I can call myself beautiful and believe it and that is a huge testimony to God and his transforming power! He’d tell me "Daughter, I am enthralled with your beauty!" (Psalms 45). Even this though, was once a dream and a desire I wanted to believe and embrace—that God thought I was beautiful, that others thought that I was beautiful, that I thought I was beautiful, but it seemed like a dream that was way too unattainable.

If there's a subject close to my love life that is as uncomfortable to talk about, it's my weight. It is still far easier still to talk weight than love though. But it's easier because of the journey I've been on in the past 2 years. Two years ago I was tired. I was sick. I was depressed. My emotions were all over the board. And I was supposed to be in a wedding. I had had my measurements taken for the bridesmaid dress and I remember dreading the phone call to the store in CA where the dresses were being ordered. The call was almost as bad as I feared it would be. The amazing part was I was already 60lbs less then when I was at my heaviest

My desire from childhood was to be thin, but I wasn't. When I was eleven, I went was going to a summer camp. We had to go to the doctors and have a medical form completed for the camp. When I saw my weight on that form, it was the last time I looked at my weight until I was in college. Shattered could describe the feeling that consumed me.

Shatter is also what God wants to do with that image I have in my head of who I am.

Through out life, I actually didn't see myself as overweight. I knew I was but it didn't really click, and so it didn't register as I continued to go higher and higher on the scale. Then the summer between senior year of high school and the first year of college happened. When you graduate high school there are a lot of pictures. When you plan on going 3,000 miles away for school there are a lot of pictures. In those pictures I started to see who I had become, but I couldn't own up to it. Then I was in Southern California for school. SoCal Culture 101: skimpy clothes, beautiful people, and scrutinizing looks everywhere. I felt the pain of my situation

My sophomore year I owned up to it, and began losing weight. I maintained it mostly. But it started coming back. And I felt the desire was dying again.

But in my weakness after those measurements for the bridesmaid dress, the desire was sparked to life again. I heard God saying I need to get healthy, and that meant mind, body and spirit and the journey began.

I hate the fact that women and men (men are not exempt at all) live under such scrutiny of beauty and physical appearance. It destroys us all. We go to extremes because of it. But God wants to break us of those extremes.



In each of these pictures, I felt beautiful when it was being taken. Each picture was a moment where I had confidence to know that I was on the right path to being a better person. Each picture holds a triumph. The first picture was me in the wedding in Nov '10. The center picture was taken last summer at the Giant's Causeway of Northern Ireland (47 lbs. lighter than the wedding). The final picture was taken 2 days ago in Northern Ireland (50 lbs. lighter than the G.C). Buying that sweatshirt was a triumph. It was a medium! I've been wearing some medium shirts but sweatshirts— this was a first! They were out of the larges that I first looked for but instead of giving in and going to the XL next I went to the medium. I tried in on in the middle of the Student Union store where any person walking in could see me, so there was a risk of embarrassment if it didn't fit. I shouldn't have worried.

This isn't an easy road. I've been doing weight watchers for 2 years and it's hard being focused. It's hard getting past comments of you're loosing to much weight (do you hear what you're saying?). It's hard getting past the temptations, "You've been so good, and you can cheat a little today." It's been hard exercising. It's been hard getting over the mental hurdles. It's even harder throwing myself into a new country that measures food differently, where nutrition labels are different, and where pastries and sweet are so amazing! I live in a house where we share cooking the meals, and we split the groceries, so food choices are not always mine, again making it difficult. And I'll admit I've not been the best since moving here.

I've had some cool stories though since I've been here. One involves this awesome magenta coat. A new friend and I were chatting about shopping. I mentioned I'd gone into a store to figure out my size since they're slightly different here, and that I was looking for a winter coat. She had a couple that she was going to donate anyhow so offered them to me. If they fit I could have them. Looking at here I was thinking there's no way they would. Surprise, surprise! They did fit. Other stories were of a couple people not recognizing me because of my weight loss. It's little things that mean so much.

As I said though, as I have been writing this series, I've been amazed at what God is showing me little things. He keeps saying, "Hey, remember this one too!" My desire for becoming as beautiful in my mind as I am in God is another thing He has stirring in me. He's stirring a passion to share my story because there are people who need to hear it. I don't know who those people are, but they're out there. So even when I climb the stairs every day and see a full length mirror and sometime I want to say negative things, I have to remember that is not God's desire for me. Every time I look at my "Transformed" album on Facebook and go through the progress pictures I have, I need to hear God saying "Daughter, I'm enthralled by your beauty!"

Every bit of weight loss is a milestone now. AND, AND, AND!!! I am so happy to report that the number I saw on that medical form when I was eleven will be surpassed with another just 13 pounds. God is good and I want to be the best I can for him.

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 4

It was such a busy week and in so many ways I wanted to write this blog instead of do my work. The thoughts that are going to be spilling out have been really overwhelming to me this week.  In so many ways I don't want to write this blog either. The thoughts that are going to be spilling out are sometimes some of the most painful I have.

10 days ago I wrote: "At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying."

So if you've kept track you should know that this post, based on that list, is about love.

This is where I see my situation. In my hands I once held this amazing box that was brilliantly colored and shiny. All I wanted to do was open it but it wasn't the time, so it went on a shelf for safekeeping. I'd see it everyday but I'd know it wasn't the time for opening it. It would move shelves for a higher place of honor. It deserved more respect.  A couple of times, the world would get shaken, and the box started to fall off the shelf and I'd catch it. In these times I'd think that maybe since it was falling, I should just open it. What would it hurt? I started to pull back the corner but then realized, no it's not time. After a couple of times of it falling it went back on a shelf, but this time it was a shelf where I wouldn't have to see it. That didn't work. I knew the brilliant box was on that hidden shelf. So I brought it out and put it on a visible shelf and I told people it was there, but that I needed them to keep me from it. I needed them to guide me, and pray for me that when it was time to open the box I would really be ready. The shiny box was on the highest shelf of honor. It wasn't forgotten, but I had peace that it was there. I was finally ok that it had sat on the shelf unopened for so many years.

Then I came home one day and the box wasn't on the shelf any more. My Abba had taken it down and set it on the table with a note. "Katie, it's coming time to open this soon. Keep waiting on me though, ok. Love you!" My Abba had told many people too that He'd taken it down and it was almost time. He told them to pray for me, to encourage me, to knock sense into me. I was excited that the box had come down. I was excited that people knew it had too. But I still haven't been able to open it.

The metaphorical box is a romantic relationship, but it's more than dating. I've known it is more than just dating, it's marriage and I've known it for a while. God's told me that many times over the last year and I wrote about those experiences before.

Like I said, I had peace that box was on the shelf. I found myself at peace with my singleness for the most part.

Now I walk in anticipation that has it's highs and lows. Others are walking in anticipation with me. Sometimes there is peace, sometimes not. My Abba had told lots of people (approximately 40), that he's been working on someone for me. I get emails and phone calls asking what's happening in my love life.  I've been very encouraged by it and I suppose I also feel pressure. The other desires that I've written about last week, were all things that would be nice-to-have things, but seemed perhaps unrealistic. This is a far more realistic desire. It's a desire that cuts into my heart far deeper than any of the others and one that I didn't want to expose.

I've written all of these posts about desires that God is working on and I've had great excitement in them. I mean, gosh, I wrote 4 posts in 4 days! My love life is a topic I added to the list in part one of this series, because I knew I could not write about desires without this being part of it.

In the last few weeks I sense that a shift has begun in my love life. What direction that shift is taking... hahahaha? Ya, I don't know for sure, but I feel like the symphony is about to begin. God has really spoken to me about the identifying qualities of the person through prayer, through dreams, through other people. Every bit brings the puzzle into more clarity. Constant doubt fills me and nags at me. But constant joy, strength and reassurance also comes flooding in.

Journaling has always been a big thing for me. I have pages and pages filled with names and dates, times and places, dreams and sermons that God has used specifically to tell me that he's preparing me for more than just dating. When I have doubts that this dream of marriage is ever going to happen, God gives me another event to add to that journal. One of my favorites was on a Wednesday night shortly before I left Arizona. I had been asked about my current happenings with my love life and I was a bit discouraged. When I got in my car I heard a song by Kristian Stanfill called "Always". The chorus of the song says, "Oh my God he will not delay. My refuge and strength always. I will not fear. His promise is true, My God will come through always... I lift my eyes up. My help comes from the Lord." Hearing the song I knew God was speaking and he said to lift my eyes. When I did, literally, the car ahead of me read "SPEEDY_____" on the license plate (there was a name in the blank).

I've spoken to several people about what relationships look like here in Coleraine, and it's a different thing than home. Coleraine is a really small place, and everyone is aware to some degree of social engagements. You can't walk into any restaurant or coffee shop with out seeing a familiar face. So when relationships begin or end, it's known. It frightens me to a degree, the publicness of it all. I suppose though, the way my love life became so public in the first place I should be used to it and maybe that I should just expect it.

I continue to pray about this desire of mine because it's not yet fulfilled. The longing runs deep and wide. I am trying to surround myself with married people to ask questions. Their guidance is something I crave. Now is the time to start learning the art of being a wife. Daily, I am in prayer for this still unknown husband of mine. I am very excited about it.

On the night that inspired these series of posts, there was ministry time mixed with worship. If you've known me at all you'll know that height is a big issue for me. It's on my list of things a potential mate needs to have because I want to be able to look evenly or upward into their eyes. During this ministry time, someone had a word from God saying. "Height is important to you because you want to look into the eyes of the one you love. Look up now into the eyes of you first love. I am here. Have confidence to trust me." It's another reminder to the fact that God's working in me, but that He's my first love. He wants to give us good gifts, and he is the first one. He is the first and the best gift– one that has long been off the shelf. Amen for that!

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 3

At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying. an excerpt from 2 days ago

I met one of my closest friends during my senior year and her junior year of college. She was a transfer student placed into an on-campus apartment with me at random.  It didn’t take long for us to build an awesome friendship. We had many things/interests in common- height (both of us are over 6ft), warm drinks, cute antique shops, foreign travel and military boys. You should have seen us when we realized we had the same shoe size. Finally! Someone we could share shoes with.  One of my favorite things that we share in common is our love to explore and she is one of the best people to go with.

One of our fav's in Coronado

In that year of living together we would often fill up some travel mugs with Hot Chocolate, hop in the car and head to some location, then we’d get out and walk. We’d find stores to browse and houses that we dreamed we could live in. Most of Coronado, CA has been put on our list under the category “Yes, Please.” Sometimes we knew that our talk was just talk, but we felt free to dream together about where we would one day be. It’s been 4 years now since we’ve lived even remotely close to one another, but now we still send pictures on Facebook saying, “You’d love this house,” “I have to bring you to this store when you visit,” or “I found the best pathway today that you’d love!” We know each other’s tastes and desires.

The newest send from Coleraine

Even as child, I would explore. In the hours between school and dinnertime, I would walk all over my town with no particular destination in mind. I would just imagine what was or what could be in the particular location. Yesterday I wrote how in the small town I grew up in, we’d joke that we would never get out. Even then I desired to see more, do more, and go more. And I believe God saw those desires and has blessed me with many of them.

It was along the Thames River, near the London Eye, that I sat one September day when I had an epiphany. Just the day or two before, I had flown to Europe for the first time, and was going to be there for the next four months. Culture shock had set in and I wanted to get on the next plane back to the States. But I sat there, and I thought about being in that small town that I never thought I’d leave, but I did. It was a progression of moves from small town New Hampshire to middle size town in the same state, to big city on the other side of the country, and now— now I was in London! I suddenly felt like I could do anything. So what did I do, I went exploring! Six hours, on foot, without a cell-phone, by myself, without telling anyone, I went exploring London.  I got lost in the joy of a new place, and found myself. After this I was sort of free to be me.

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 2

As I wrote yesterday, I've been wrestling with some thoughts that were brought to light at a small group. I'm taking a look at these in several posts because it's too much for one post alone. As I wrote yesterday...

At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there are many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying.

Today, school is the idea I'm exploring and sharing  about. I have always enjoyed school. I've liked learning new things and challenging myself in new ways. I've liked my teachers, and for the most part my fellow students. There are many different types of schools I've been a part of with such different types of learning.

I grew up in a really small town in New Hampshire, where there was only one school for all the kids in kindergarten through grade 8, all 250 of us. It was s GIGANTIC wasn't it! We joked that the school and town was so small that we were never going to escape it. Yet, it was in this school, because of the close knit feeling, that I felt a push to accelerate and really make something of life. Here, I was empowered to dream and to explore. Here, I fell in love with art and design. Here, I knew I wanted to be a designer.

I'm unique that I think my teachers influenced me far more than my friends. I wasn't afraid of my teachers per say, but I respected them and I wanted to do right by them. They wanted the best out of me, and I wanted to do that. Often, it looked like I was a teacher's pet. However, a desire was beginning in me that maybe one day, I would be a teacher.

I went to two high schools and the second one I was not a fan of. There were some great things that happened in these schools that I'm grateful for, but mainly I looked toward what was in the future.  I had begun to set my sights on Point Loma Nazarene University. My youth pastor had told us he'd gone there but he never really expanded much on it to anyone. However, one day he came up to me and said something like he thought I really needed to know about this school and I really should look into attending it. He thought that it was a place God was leading me. What he didn't know was that I already had been looking at it, and my heart was set to go there.

As he and his wife shared with me about the school and began praying with me about it. This was my first glimpse really, that God had a hand on the future and my pathway of life. Why would God tell someone else this and not me? And it seemed crazy! It was insane to go to a school 3,000 miles from home, when I came from small town USA. Yet, God knew the desires of my heart to see new places, to learn new things, and experience life-changing events.

Caf Lane @ PLNU

In the fall of 2001, I packed up and moved away from family and friends to sunny San Diego. I began my studies in Graphic Design and loved it. Again, I was being impacted by my teachers so much. They weren't just educators, but they were friends. They pushed and pushed both my work and my life. My desire to be a teacher grew more and was being refined. I wanted to be a college professor teaching design.

Going into my senior year I thought I was going to have to drop out of the university. The funding just wasn't there and things weren't working like they were supposed to. Yet I committed it to the Lord. He'd brought me here. He was going to keep his hand on everything. Amazingly, just days before school was scheduled to begin, I was told I could stay.

By the time I graduated, I had talked to enough people and explored my options and I had a plan for the future. I wanted to be a design professor later in life and I knew I would need a Master's degree to do so, but I didn't want to go straight into a masters program and I was advised not too. The given advice was: Go work first, get knowledge of the field, have an idea of what you want to learn, and then you go back to school. So my plan was work 3 years, apply to school and go back for the masters.

Life didn't work so easily. It never does. First, it took a couple of years to even find a job. So of course I didn't look for masters programs at all at first because I wanted the work experience. When I did begin looking, I realized art school for a masters program was so expensive and not possible. States schools often didn't have the programs I truly wanted. Then I moved and no longer had residency discounts so the programs available really weren't worth the money. It took about a year to accept it, but my dream for becoming a college professor and going to Grad school was something I abandoned. I intentionally told myself it wasn't going to happen. And I found peace in that.

Haha. God wasn't done with it though.

I spent my two weeks in Northern Ireland last summer, and I came back talking about it frequently. A friend of mine had know how much grad school had been on my heart, and what my struggle with it had been. She was also seeing how I was effected by Norn Iron. "Have you looked into schools in Northern Ireland?" No. It hadn't occurred to me. The desire was re-awoken. In an instant it was back.

Knowing how it was difficult to find programs in the state, it was going to be a real test to find one in Northern Ireland where there was only two large universities. "God, It's gonna be you that makes this happen." So I powered up the computer, started a search and bam- Masters in Design Communication at the University of Ulster.  I couldn't believe it. I applied and was accepted, and now I'm a student in the program.

But still it didn't stop there. Seriously. How quickly we forget things. As I was preparing for my arrival in Northern Ireland, and even up to two weeks ago, I would say that I don't feel like school is my only reason for being in Northern Ireland. And I still don't, but the desires of my heart that I had abandoned- God did not. I still had it in my head that it was a dead dream, though I'm living it.

As I sat in that small group two weeks ago, as the leader was talking about these desires God grants because he wants to make us happy, God was saying that grad school, that the program I'm in now, it's a gift he's given me. He didn't forget that I wanted it. Even though I'd given up on it, he knew it was something I really wanted. He wants me to be happy in this.

I'm frustrated in the program a bit, and I don't always want to give my all. (Honestly, I should be doing school work now and not be writing this blog) As my teachers before pushed me because they wanted the best out of me, God's asking that of me now. The verse I gave yesterday from Psalms 37, part of it was "Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this." Like when I was in PLNU and I thought things weren't going work out. I had to commit it to him. He didn't bring me this far for me to fail or to give up. He wants to give good gifts.

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 1

Have you ever expressed a desire for something? Yeah, we all have. Some of our desires are pretty crazy.

I remember as a child, in October, maybe even September, the Christmas catalogues from JCPenny's and Sears would be delivered. My brother and I would fight on who'd be the first to flip through it and mark it up with all the toys we wanted. By the time we finished there would be post it notes all over it marking our desires. I don't think I ever got any toy I ever marked in those catalogues, but man, there were things I desired badly.

Mine was a very similar color with a soft top.

And then I said when I got my first car, I wanted it to be a Geo Tracker. I loved the sporty, fun, mini size of this car. Yeah, I said that when I was 11 and had no idea of what kind of car I would really want when I could drive. At some point, I had given voice to that desire. I grew up and forgot about it. Then came the surprise. After my freshman year of college, I returned home from school in CA to see one, very purple, Geo Tracker sitting in the driveway. I was so confused. The car I recognized as one that had belonged to a family in our church, and I didn't know why they would have been at our home. When I asked about it, my mom said they weren't at our house. The car was no longer theirs. It was mine. What!? Somewhere in time I had said I wanted a geo tracker and my mother remembered it. and when the opportunity rose to buy the car at a good price, she got it because it was what I wanted. I couldn't believe she remembered and followed through so many years later.

It was a long night last night.

First of all- start this video before you read. Listen to the song as you read.  There is only music and no video, so you won't miss anything while you read the post.


I will warn you, I am so very tired writing this post and there will probably not be complete thoughts or cohesive ideas. Yet, as I write, I'm happy I'm this tired because I'm filled with energy from the Holy Spirit. These last few days have been crazy. Last night I got home at 3:30am from a night where God was moving.

"There has never been a spiritual awakening in any country or
locality that didn't begin in united prayer…"  Dr A.T. Pierson.

This quote was in an email I received earlier this week from the Coleraine House of Prayer(CHOP). The subject line read "There has never been a spiritual awakening..." and I was hooked. As I mentioned in another post,  the word Awake or awakening, has been significant this year to me. Seeing that the focus of this week's Friday night meeting at CHOP was spiritual awakening, I decided it was time to make another visit there. It also fell on the same evening that Night Light was scheduled. Night Light is an outreach from CCV where we go out and stand outside local bars and offer patrons tea and coffee and watch the Holy Spirit meet with people.

I'm not good at staying up late. However, I'm finding myself doing just that a lot more lately and it's taking its toll as I have been distracted from everything. This evening of late night activities was gonna be worth it though. I just knew it.

I went down to CHOP with a friend and God met us for sure! The focus of the night was spiritual awakening. It was dedicated prayer for 1) Spiritual awakening for ourselves 2) For the community 3) For Northern Ireland 4) For the World. All I can say is that I was wrecked. I couldn't move from where I was sitting and it was as if my lungs were being filled with something amazing and my breath was not my own. God's speaking. He's listening and he's moving. I want to shout that! He's working in my life and in yours. I didn't want to leave CHOP, I just wanted to keep worshipping.

Ah, but I was still off to worship but in another way...

Around midnight I gathered with the team for Night Light at CCV. This would be my first night out with Night Light and I wasn't sure what all to expect. I mean we're heading off to meet people who had likely been drinking which means anything could happen. We were heading to Portstewart, which is a beachfront community. Knowing it was going to be really cold along the water, I layered up in clothes, praying that it didn't rain. The team prayed, grabbed the hot drinks, some sweets, and we loaded into the cars and headed off.

We chatted with a 18year old who was out celebrating his birthday. 18 is the legal drinking age here. Putting two and two together he was pretty much gone at 1am. He kept saying, "this isn't good. We shouldn't want this feeling of being so drunk we should want what is better." And he wondered why we were out there. Well, we were there to offer the better alternative to that bad feeling.

Then there was two guys who didn't come out of the bar we were in front of, they had just been passing by. They were quite cheeky at first, but they asked why we were out giving tea and coffee. As we explained that we were from a church, they were baffled. Yet they wanted to know more about this church that served rather than preached. One of the guys said "You know, I think the Bible is just a load of S---. It is regulations to keep people under control. But I want to believe there's more than just going to work and going to the bars. There's gotta be more out there." His friend was very bothered by the Bible comment and immediately said to take the comment back. He said he didn't believe that and that the Bible was good. He made it clear that he didn't go to church but that he held everything at high value. They asked us about times and locations we met. First we handed the info card to the one who made the bible comment. He took the card, said thanks, and slipped it in his pocket. Then something happened that I'm still shaken by. We handed the info card to the other man, and immediately he began bawling. So much so that he had to walk away. Clearly he was being effected by something. We asked if he was ok, but he pulled away his friend and said he needed to go. I'm not sure what was happening but I know the Holy Spirit was on that street with him.

There were several other people we chatted with and served and prayed for and it was so awesome. I really can't wait for the next night to go out.

Earlier this week was crazy too. I was at a small group gathering from CCV and we began the evening with worship. The song that I linked in this post was the last song of the worship set. I've only learned this song in the last month or so but I really think it is powerful. As the 10-12 of us sang it, there was something happening we were all getting louder and singing it stronger and stronger as if we were about to be yelling not singing. The words— God I look to you, I won't be overwhelmed. Give me vision, to see things like you do— man! It's been my cry this week. After we sang that song, we paused to give space for the Holy Spirit to move and speak. I saw the image of an orchestra that was warming up, each instrumentalist preparing for what was to come. Then the conductor rose, tapped his wand and cued the orchestra that it was time to begin.

I've been in the midst of a lot of changes over the last year and a half. But guess what, I think there's still a lot more to come. I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is gonna look like. I don't know who it will involve. But God is moving. I'm excited.I'm praying for more nights and weeks like this. I'm praying for an awakening of God's Kingdom.

Now, play the song again since you're done reading. Sit and listen and really let it sink in. I've had a playlist on my iPod for a while titled Awakening.  Listen to the playlist and enjoy: