Two suitcases for Northern Ireland

This weekend I was tackling a massive project. Test packing for Ireland. I have a goal of only taking two checked bags with me when I go. Crazy right?! Well, no, not really. I'm really excited about paring down all that I have and keep to simple living while overseas.

So to take on this project, I had to go through my closet. I truly enjoy my closet. It was a selling point of my apartment when I was choosing it because it was a walk-in closet. It is essentially another room of my apartment with walls full of shelves and multiple hanging bars for clothes. The largest closet I ever had, my first walk-in, was immediately overflowing. Yet now, only one of three bars holds clothes, and that bar is not full.

I enlisted the help of my sister. She sat on the bed as I made several trips into and out of the closet. While I tried on at least 30 pieces of clothing she heard, "Do I take this or not?" Asking was not necessary to determine whether clothes were cute enough to take, but to see if the clothes were too big and needed to be donated to Goodwill.

You see, in January 2010, I began Weight Watchers (WW). I knew I needed to make a change in my own life. I committed to get healthier in spirit, mind, and body, and WW was one major step for the body. It's now almost 20 months later, I am nearing 90 pounds dropped, and I have 22 left until I've hit my goal. These 80+lbs. are a portion of the 130lbs. total I have dropped since college.

There have been naysayers along the way telling me, "You need to stop. You're going to waste away to nothing." Well if nothing is now a size 12 pant, then yes, I'll be nothing. I'll very proudly be nothing. Some people argue the other way and say I shouldn't go to Northern Ireland because I won't have WW. Sorry, your argument is null because, yes, they do. I'm still going.

As I folded each piece of clothing, I laid them in neat piles on my bed and very quickly, I realized that two suitcases was not just a goal. It was happening! My clothes were going to fit. It's not a smaller quantity of clothes, just smaller clothes!!! It does help that many of my cold weather clothes no longer fit and my hot weather clothes are going to be useless in the colder climate of Derry. (I anticipate at least a 40º if not more drop in temperature from when I board the plane in Phoenix to when I land in Belfast).

I cannot tell you how happy it was making me to pack everything up and seeing that two suitcases are going hold all of my clothes. I'm happy that I've eaten the best tasting food since beginning WW, than I have my entire life. I'm happy to know that I'm the strongest I've ever been, the smallest I've ever been, most confident I've every been. Most importantly, I am the most content at who God made me to be than I've ever been. Even if I stopped losing weight now, I would be content because I know I'm beautiful to him.

In my closet, there was one outfit that I've kept for many years. It's now all torn up and stained with bright paints. The t-shirt and jeans combo is a set I used to wear on a regular basis. They are just what I need to see where I've come from and where I won't return. The picture above is me now, standing in a single pant leg–both legs occupy what once was tight on one leg. This is the closest picture you are going to see of me at that size. I'm just not brave enough to post them yet.

Two suitcases to Ireland? All of my clothes fit.  Now where do I put everything else I need to bring...

Standing outside the fire

I grew to love country music as a young child. My love of it grew, not because my parents enjoyed it nor because of any outside influence, but because I liked the videos I saw on CMT(Country Music Television) more than what I saw on MTV. Choosing CMT was the safer (I would get into less trouble) option of the two stations I wasn't supposed to be watching at all. This decision shines light into who I am quite a bit. I push boundaries, but always holding back on an undefined something.

My brother and I were latch key kids – unsupervised children at home in the hours between school letting out and my coming home from work. Really, there are so many things that you may expect to happen when kids are left alone, but I will admit that I was most often a goody-two-shoes and followed most rules. But I liked to push some limits. I would do things that were safe but not what was condoned OK by my parents. For example, watching TV when I supposed to be doing homework and chores. Or I would wander all over my small little town of Marlborough, NH making sure I was home before my parents were so they wouldn't know I left at all.

But country music? That's serious rebellion. Um...not really. OK. I just wasn't always the biggest cartoon fan. We all like what we like.

I would spend hours watching the videos of these country songs. Among the first songs I ever remember falling in love with were Standing Outside the Fire, by Garth Brooks, and Any Man of Mine, by Shania Twain. To this day, I love these two songs, and have them committed to memory. But I'm going to ignore Twain's song. Standing Outside the Fire has a chorus and bridge that says:

Standing outside the fire
Life is not tried it is merely survived
If you're standing outside the fire

There's this love that is burning
Deep in my soul
Constantly yearning to get out of control
Wanting to fly higher and higher
I can't abide standing outside the fire

I would sing this out at the top of my lungs. It was me. I was constantly yearning to push limits. I didn't want to be OK with the mediocre. This is something I knew when I was eleven. How far was I going to be able to go?

But as I said before, I pushed limits but played it safe. I didn't hide things from my parents. I didn't do illegal activities. There were no major daredevil injuries.

Country music was my go-to choice most often, but in the last year or so I've stopped listening to it for one reason or another. But I've started listening again in the last few weeks or so. Going through some old cd's and I found a mix cd that said "Country Mix 1." There was no indication of what songs were on it. I grabbed it one my way out the door, loaded it into the cd player in my car and was hit with the familiar chords of Standing Outside the Fire.

This time it's hit me differently. The song plays on the idea that people don't push themselves, or that we give a hard time those who do. Now, when I hear the song it's not just a desire in my heart to push myself, and to achieve more out of life. But it's a burning desire to see the Kingdom of God move through out. I want it in my life. I want my family to experience it. I want it to pour into my friends and the strangers on the street. I don't want to hold back on that undefined something just to be safe. Jesus' ministry isn't always safe.

"Life is not tried, it is merely survived..." I'm sorry. Come again? Merely survived? No. That's not acceptable to me. I have come to the point that I can't just survive my life. I want to actively participate.

In Exodus, chapter 24, Moses was called up to Mount Sinai.

15 When Moses went up on the mountain, the cloud covered it, 16 and the glory of the LORD settled on Mount Sinai. For six days the cloud covered the mountain, and on the seventh day the LORD called to Moses from within the cloud. 17 To the Israelites the glory of the LORD looked like a consuming fire on top of the mountain. 18 Then Moses entered the cloud as he went on up the mountain. And he stayed on the mountain forty days and forty nights.

While he was there, the Israelites’ stood at the bottom. They proceeded with life as best they could, but they grew anxious. When was he coming back? When were they going to receive from God? Yet, they didn't wait.

Lately I see myself in comparison to the Israelites’. I want to be in that fire. I am walking that way. I see God moving and doing some absolutely incredible things that proves to me that he is the I AM. However, my heart grows anxious.

This morning I finally sat down to read through two devotional series I've been working tackling in the last year. God met me as I read some passages. Mind you, I feel like I've run from Him in the last 3 days out of crankiness and pain and my own weakness. Nevertheless, I opened up to Psalms 84 that reads:

1 How lovely is your dwelling place,
LORD Almighty!
2 My soul yearns, even faints,
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and my flesh cry out
for the living God 

And then I read Isaiah 40:

28 Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

"There's this love that is burning, deep in my soul" that the Lord has placed there. He's working it out in his unfathomable understanding. Though I want to move forward and move fast, I have to sit and wait.

My plans for Northern Ireland– not going as smoothly as I would hope for. My ear– excruciating pain lately. My time– it seems wasted, a lot. But in my waiting God is there.

Listen to the song. What does it conjure up in your mind? What is the fire that you can't abide standing outside?

Norn Iron Adventure Update

Oh my! June was a rough month dealing with planning for Northern Ireland. Now it is a week into July and I feel like it is letting up. Well, I am praying fervently that it is letting up. Thank you for joining me with all of your thoughts and prayers as well.

It was a rough road as I was looking through all of the materials I needed to apply for my Visa. Going as a student to the UK there is a need to provide financial statements (bank statements or loan documents). There was a mix up on information and a delay for getting it resolved with my school. I went into slight panic mode when I thought I had passed the date for some of the items and my contact at the school was on holiday for the entire month of June. No, it was more a full-blown panic mode. It started a merry-go-round of emails if anyone beside this one contact could help, but in the end no one could.

At the same time, we were going through quite the change in my office. If you remember a previous post, the owner of the company I work for suddenly passed away in April. It brought a lot of uncertainty and a drop in morale for the company. In June I braced myself for losing my job. Praise God for all employees are jobs are now safe and morale is rising (a few key potlucks helped that)

But with your prayers I was able to calm down. Calm down not slow down. Ha! I don't slow down. I'm not sure I know the meaning of the phrase. I threw in a week of Vacation Bible School in there too, which really was a great distraction for me as I waited on school info.

Last week, after almost a month, I was able to get some paperwork done that was necessary for school and my funding. It's turned in but I'm a player the waiting game again. I still need to wait on this before I can apply for my Visa and before I can move forward with other items as well.

In the mean time, I'm still selling more and more items out of my apartment and I am constantly in limbo. When I think of cooler weather and a more settled life, it seems like I have a lot of time left before I go. Yet, the days are flying by and I'm trying to spend as much time as I can with all of those I love here. Putting life on hold here for an indefinite amount of time requires much more detail than you would think too.

If your prayers could continue, I ask for prayers in these areas:
- Clear communication- between myself, the Uni. of Ulster, UK Border Agency for all of the upcoming processes I must go through for school.
- Intentional, well spent time with my family and friends.
- Finances- That everything is provided as necessary.
- My health- My nagging ear is driving me crazy with pain and pressure.
- A deepening yearning to be in God's presence and be awakened to his Kingdom.
- Increased flexibility in all situations being thrown my way.
- A focus of what God is leading me to.

I was reminded last night, by one of the Pastor & wife teams from my church, that following God takes risk. This morning I was listening to a sermon that said the same thing. EMBRACE RISK! I want to risk it all for my love of God. I enjoy Philippians 4 because in the small collection of verse it hits on so many different aspects of faith and risk and living life worthy of God. These verses have repeatedly been comfort to me. So I'll leave you with one verse that is particularly valid in the last few weeks:

And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:13

Brought to you by the Letter K

 image via http://lanaloustyle.blogspot.com/

I'm a total nerd for letter forms and my co-workers join me on that. Come on, we're graphic designers, it's in our blood! One of them just sent me this K and it made my heart jump! So I got distracted and had to find more really cool letters. Yes. I am that much of a nerd.

 

Images via 1) Designer Josh Higgins 2) Designer Jessica Hische 3) Simple Blueprint 4) Etsy Seller Oh Dier 5) Etsy Seller Ingridsart 6) Collage Artist Randal Plowman

One thing at a time.

You can only hold on to one thing at a time - the promise of God or disappointment. You'll have to drop one to embrace the other.
-Alan Scott, via Twitter

I just posted my last blog five minutes ago and then I read this. A wee bit convicting.

Happy Indepence Day! or was it...?

Another holiday passed me by yesterday ... Independence Day. Ironic that the name of the holiday is Independence Day when the one and only reason I've found myself upset is because I'm independent. Also known as, I'm single.

I love holidays, ah well, I used to love holidays. I want to love holidays.

I've been single a long time, and really most days I'm ok with it. Even on previous holidays, I was ok with it because I always was single with many other singles. All of my friends and I shared a common thread in this, so we would make holiday parties fun. Many of us were orphans away from our families so we made holidays uniquely our own.

But, I'm finding myself in new territory. I’m near my family that gives growing pressure to be matched up and have a family of my own. Among all of those friends who were single, I’m one of the last to be unattached. Even the roommates who once could fill the void aren’t available.

Beet-iful Cake!

I enjoy new recipes. Here's two I will be trying this weekend.


beet cake from tiger in a jar on Vimeo. The written recipe can be found here.

image via Design*Sponge

Recipe for Peanut Butter cups can be found here