Lessons From An Ant

I was lying down in the sandy dunes of Castlerock Beach on Wednesday. It’s been a long few weeks with so much added on my already full load. So I was taking the day alone to gain some rest and some clarity. At the beach I was journaling, praying and listening. I’ve been struggling with a lot of things lately, among them has been comparing myself to others and a season of depression. Today these were my lament. As I spent the morning asking God to reveal himself to me, I was expectant He would answer. He did, albeit I was surprised how it came…

When you lie on the ground you see how many minuscule bugs there are. They do not put me off in any real manner, but they fall into the category of animals in my mind. If you know me, animals of any shape, size, or breed don't often get much, if any, of my attention.* As I shifted position in the sand, my journal was pushed aside and I saw an ant. Strangely, it had my immediate attention. We all know ants are characteristically strong. They can hold a ridiculous amount of weight in comparison to their body size. However, this ant was lacking on the strength side. It was on its back and seemed to struggle but with reason. It’s legs were wrapped around a piece of grass not much larger than an eyelash, and it couldn’t seem to turn over and get the grass on it’s back. The ant was refusing to give up. I was watching it; sort of cheering the ant on, hoping its innate strength was going to win the battle with the grass. After a few minutes it gave up the fight and just lay there. The ant then pushed the grass aside and looked like it was just trying to turn over. I’m now at about 5 minutes watching this ant.

Oddly, I felt my heart go for him, and I wanted to help him be turned upright. I took a blade of grass and pushed at him, but I soon realized it was the surface he was on that he couldn’t stand on. So then I took a broader leaf and I slid it under the ant. I seemed to stun the ant as it stayed still for a while. Eventually it moved again and was on its feet now moving slowly, but upright. 12 minutes of my attention—record!
It moved to the edge of the leaf and then fell off; onto it’s back again. Again it was on the sand and the ant couldn’t stand. I tried to lift it up on on the leaf but I lost my grip a couple of times and I knocked the ant off the leaf—18 minutes. Eventually it was on the leaf but wasn’t moving at all. Now I was thinking I had killed it while trying to save it. (This strengthens my argument that I shouldn’t interact with animals) I’m sure the life span of an ant isn’t very long but I wanted to prolong it. I unintentionally caused harm, so though I continued to watch the ant, I went back to my journaling. That’s when I heard God reveal himself in that little creature.

1. Sometimes we can’t stand on the surface we’re on. We need help.
2. Help can go too far and creates more damage than good.

You see, I’ve been dealing with depression for a few months now. I didn’t recognize it at first; I just knew I couldn’t seem to get on my feet. I couldn’t find ways to communicate how I felt to myself or to others. I continued to believe I was a strong person and the load I was carrying, I could handle. I do think that I am a strong woman but I can be weak too. It is in our weakness, He is made perfect (2 Cor. 12:9). God revealed in this ant, that sometimes we need someone else to bring a solid surface to stand on. Chris is our solid rock (Matt 7:24) and He will not let our foot slip (Psalm 121:3) and our friends help too. I only began to recognize my depression for what it was because a few great people led me to an understanding.

But the other part of is that even in the struggle to stand against depression, people are going to help along the way. Some situations are going to happen over and over again. Some feelings will keep coming up. Comparison is going to happen. ‘Why don’t you do what she did?’ ‘Why not talk to this professional like he did?’ ‘It only took them this long to get past the same issues.’ I’ve already seen some of these scenarios, and I’ve found myself wondering the same things. Yet, with these, I have had to search what is good and what understand what is causing more harm than good. People will give advice. It doesn’t mean it’s good advice. They can speak but it doesn’t mean that they should speak into my life. I’ve noticed some situations feel familiar and they hold a temptation to cling to them to just to find a semblance of who I once was. I want to live moving forward, not clinging to who I once was. With depression, I hear lies of who I am and who I am not. I compared myself to others and it’s damaging. Recognizing them as lies and harmful words destroys the power they have over me.

I need Jesus to be my solid ground, to give me a place to stand and a hope to live my next breath. I need to stand against what is trying to knock me down. ** It is God’s power that will help me stand against what tries to steal kill and destroy but His power is strong enough. And His power will guide me to know not every battle is for today. Good friends are critical too. This ant wasn’t the only one there, there were several, but none stepped in. I don’t know about the whole lifestyles of ants, but don’t they live in clans of sort? We do too, it’s community. Ask for help. Let trusted others in.

*humans are the animals that are exempt from this statement—99% of the time
**I wasn’t trying to knock down the ant, but help it. However nearly an hour later, I’ve nearly if not definitely killed it.