Where to now?

About 10 weeks ago I was sitting at my kitchen table, trying to prepare a lesson that I was going to share with my team that was heading to Northern Ireland. We were supposed to leave in 3 days and I had yet to figure out what I was going to share. I started freaking out a bit, but a scripture passage came to mind. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work with in us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!” Ephesians 3:20. Do you ever have moments when something just clicks and you know you’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing? This was one of those moments. This is what I was supposed to share with my team. Little did I know that it was maybe more of a reminder or kick-starter for myself than for my team…

Today is two months that I’ve since returned from Northern Ireland. The trip, I think was one of the most important things I’ve done in my lifetime. It’s taken two months of thinking it through to formulate a blog that can explain even a portion of it– and that’s still questionable if it will. Every day there’s a new insight I’m seeing on why I was there, and what I’m taking away from it.

When I boarded a plane to head to Northern Ireland, I expected to be a chaperon of 9 teenagers who were going to serve people in the city of Coleraine. It was a missions trip for the youth at Vineyard Community Church. I expected to help them, and help people I met. I expected to walk the streets talking to people I’d never met and most likely won’t see again in my lifetime, to serve them in unknown ways. I felt hesitant to go on the trip even up to a few days before leaving. “Why am I doing this?” “How can I do anything to impact N.I, let alone the kingdom of God?” “Lead teenagers?”

I didn’t expect my life to change. But it did. I prepared a lesson about a God who can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, but I didn’t take into account that this was a lesson God wanted me to hear too. In Coleraine, I was faced with so many moments of weakness, and being broke down before my team and before God. Fear overtook me on occasion, to be superseded by His amazing power. Opportunities to talk with the teens and fellow leader I went with, were given in abundance. Times of transparency of my life had to happen–often. Strong reminders of where I’ve come from and how God’s woven His way through it all were shown to me like a map. “See Katie, this is where you were, and I restored this decision. I was there in that moment. I introduced you to that person. I held you here. I’m talking to you now. And I’m in your future.” I was meeting people half a world away who shared the same struggles as I do. I met new friends that I’ll cherish always. Issues of love were hitting me left and right. Being completely transparent- this is my biggest struggle and the one I’ve kept the closest to me and shut away from everyone, and yet it has been laid bare for everyone to see against my desires. Almost all of the trip I was surrounded by people, loud people, when I was accustomed to the quietness of living alone. Laughing at myself was required. All of it was out of my comfort zone.

I can’t really say I was comfortable in my life before going to N.I., but I was accustomed to life. I had certain motivations for my life. I knew what to expect. I knew and understood patterns of the daily grind. I am a graphic designer, a problem solver, a fixer type of person. I like trying to see the puzzle and find a solution amidst the chaos. And this trip clouded that vision in so many ways, only to open to a much clearer version. His version.

Before leaving some other passages had been brought to my attention: 1 Kings 6:8-18 and Matthew 14:22-33. Both passages were the basis’ of each sermon I heard in Northern Ireland. Each are about perspective change and God showing up in ways we couldn’t expect or comprehend.

I’m realizing that’s what all of this is about. My perspective was wrong to see where God has really been transforming my life, and he wanted/wants to change it. I just had to come to a place where I could allow that. I still, everyday, have to come to that decision, just like everyone.

I said earlier that everyday brings new insight, and today was no different. But today brought some answers of my job. I was at a conference surrounded by the “Phoenix Design Community” as they’ve called themselves, and the last speaker of the day presented ideas that really struck a chord. I’m a designer, its no secret to anyone that designing impacts my life. But has it ever played in reverse? Is it apparent that my design is effected by my decision to follow God? A big question coming back to the states was, “Am I doing the right job? Yes. Being a graphic designer is where God has placed me. I’m paid to put things in front of peoples faces. What am I doing about that? How will I leverage that to lift up the Kingdom of God? The presenter didn’t pose the question of God, but yet he posed how does your passion of ________ impact your design. I filled in the blank.

So many other revelations have come about in the last two months too, that I am super excited about. I just have to keep clinging to “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work with in us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!” Ephesians 3:20. It’s God’s glory, not mine. Never mine.