Holidays in Northern Ireland

Well, school is over for a bit, which means that it is time to focus on the holidays that have past and are around the corner. I cannot believe that it is time to be celebrating Christmas in just a few days. Where has this year gone? 

Every holiday has it's unique qualities to it, and this is not the first time I've been separated from my family for the holidays. I used to say I wasn't big on tradition and in some ways I'm not, but I am just realizing that my traditions are in constant transformation. Bits and pieces make it one year to the next or they'll skip a year or two to come back at a later date. The biggest tradition I do see now, whether I' at home or away, holidays means including people who've no other place to go. Joining together for a meal or even a drink to celebrate being together is where I see grace in the holidays.

I remember my first big holiday away from home. It was my sophmore year of college and I was unable to go home for Thanksgiving. It was so odd sitting in someone elses home, eating odd things for Thanksgiving, and feeling completely welcomed into their family. From that day on I said if I couldn't be home I would join strangers, and if I could be home then strangers would be welcomed in.

Being here in Northern Ireland, I'm looking at two Thanksgivings being away, at least one Christmas, and all the others that follow. In efforts to not feel so seperated, the celebrations will continue.

Thanksgiving:

There are at least 4 American's here that I spend time with on a regular basis- Anna, my housemate; Autumn, from my home church in Arizona; Becky, an intern at Causeway Coast Vineyard. Anna's parents flew to Northern Ireland for Thanksgiving, and like amazing parents, made us a fabulous feast for the Thanksgiving. A few Irish friends gave us a hard time and said we were in another country so we shouldn't celebrate it. Well, first off they confuse the idea of Thanksgiving with our independence day, and that we are giving thanks for freedom from England. But in reality, they were just jealous of the food that they weren't able to eat.

 

Christmas:

There are Irish Traditions I wanted to experience too while I'm in another country. No better way to do that then to throw yourself in the middle of them. Near the end of November or the beginning of December, each town has a tree lighting ceremony. After this night, all of the Christmas lights will be illuminated through town. Now I'm not sure this is what happens at all of the celebrations, but in Coleraine, there was a parade and costumed people everywhere. People lined the Town Center to watch. It was seriously the cutest thing I've seen yet here. The costumes were not what I expected- though I'm not sure what I expected. The video gives a bit better view of them.

 
There are many other little things that I'm seeing here that are just great for the holidays. Christmas Caroler's in the Town Center. Mulled Wine and Mince Pies are the tradition for holiday food. Mulled wine is sooo good. Red wine with fruit juices and spices served warm (yes there are alcoholic and non-alcoholic versions). Warm fires! Ah, I have conquered building a fire and it's an awesome feeling knowing I can do it. Watching a fire burn may become my new past time. The project music through out town, though I haven't heard any specific songs that are special to Northern Ireland. It's the same ol' same ol' music, which I love.

Then there is the Belfast Christmas Market. Ok, I'm a sucker for street faires anyhow, but mix Christmas lights and international foods, and BAILEY'S HOT CHOCOLATE, and I am sold! Yes those cups we hold in our hands is not my traditional warm drink of coffee. Bailey's hot chocolate was the only way to go that day. The market was set in the front of City Hall in the center of Belfast. There were booths set up in selling plants, jewelery, woolen goods, and yummy foods. Besides food, I was very excited about the woolen gloves I bought. Also pictured holding that Bailey's hot chocolate. These gloves are woolen, they are finger-tip-less, they convert to mittens, they are yellow(primarily) and they are lined with fleece. Aaaamazing! Autumn and I took the train there for the afternoon and we walked around other areas of Belfast as well. We walked over to Victoria Square, a mall in the area, and checked out the shopping. We also saw a bit of a commotion while we were there as Verne Troyer (aka Mini Me) was there giving an interview. I knew he'd be short but I'm highly doubting he'd come more than a few inches above my knee. I felt like a giant and I wasn't even next to him.

Christmas Eve came next. Well Christmas week did and it involved a lot of my adoptive Christmas family. Some friends from church invited me and Autumn to join them and their sons for Christmas. However, they knew all of our housemates were going to be gone, and since I live around the corner from them, the invite was extended to many other nights. This family was absolutely incredible and I feel so blessed to know them all. The sons are good craic (good fun) and they definitely like to joke around. The week had some practical jokes that made it a meomorable Christmas.

On the 23rd, I stayed with Autumn and in the morning of Christmas Eve, we baked and made goodies. Autumn knew I liked to bake and cook but she didn't know how much. She kept laughing at me becuase I was so into what I was doing. Lack of sleep and a lot of coffee added to my silly mood. Then we had Chinese for dinner, which is a tradition of mine for Christmas Eve. After dinner we headed down the hill to the church for a carol service. The service was really great, but I missed having candles lighting up the room. Then there was an open house at the same home that I'd spend the next day. More mulled wine, and delicious treats.

Christmas Day, to be honest, I expected to be really difficult. I've spent many holidays seperated from family. Even holidays with family have had their share of difficulty. However, I really, really was touched by God's love. You know, it says that He will set the lonely in families and it really came true this year. The day started around 10am with coffee, then we had a little service of sorts. We took time to soak in worship then each person recieved prayers spoken by each of the rest of us. It was so awesome! After that it was Dinner time! A new tradition I've never heard of are the crackers. They look like giant wrapped candies but in fact they are tubes with a prize, a hat and a joke inside. At dinner you grab hold of your cracker and the one belonging to your neighbor then you pull them apart to crack them. you get the prize, and have to wear the hat for dinner. Interesting idea. The rest of the afternoon was presents, games, chit-chat and much laughter. I did get to skype to most of my family just before midnight on Christmas (this is when the 7 hour time delay was beneficial). The day after Christmas is called Boxing Day. It just means more food and more family. It was a good day.

But tonight.. Well tonight is New Year's Eve. I'm looking forward to some fun.

It's been one heck of a year!

Hope is not a momentary flicker.
Hope is Eternity's slow, steady,
Illumining and fulfilling height.

- source unknown

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 5

12 days ago I wrote: "At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying."

This is the maybe more...

It's really crazy laying your life before everyone and saying your doing it. There's something about speaking it that gives life to change. In this week, almost 2 weeks now, that I have been writing this blog series on dreams and desires, God continues to bless me and open my eyes to more and more things that he's helped me through over time. He's opening my eyes to the desires of my heart that he's giving me. He's shown me how he's given me hope and strength in so many situations that I discounted.

One day in my lifetime, I am going to call myself thin and believe it. I'm not there yet. But where I am, I can call myself beautiful and believe it and that is a huge testimony to God and his transforming power! He’d tell me "Daughter, I am enthralled with your beauty!" (Psalms 45). Even this though, was once a dream and a desire I wanted to believe and embrace—that God thought I was beautiful, that others thought that I was beautiful, that I thought I was beautiful, but it seemed like a dream that was way too unattainable.

If there's a subject close to my love life that is as uncomfortable to talk about, it's my weight. It is still far easier still to talk weight than love though. But it's easier because of the journey I've been on in the past 2 years. Two years ago I was tired. I was sick. I was depressed. My emotions were all over the board. And I was supposed to be in a wedding. I had had my measurements taken for the bridesmaid dress and I remember dreading the phone call to the store in CA where the dresses were being ordered. The call was almost as bad as I feared it would be. The amazing part was I was already 60lbs less then when I was at my heaviest

My desire from childhood was to be thin, but I wasn't. When I was eleven, I went was going to a summer camp. We had to go to the doctors and have a medical form completed for the camp. When I saw my weight on that form, it was the last time I looked at my weight until I was in college. Shattered could describe the feeling that consumed me.

Shatter is also what God wants to do with that image I have in my head of who I am.

Through out life, I actually didn't see myself as overweight. I knew I was but it didn't really click, and so it didn't register as I continued to go higher and higher on the scale. Then the summer between senior year of high school and the first year of college happened. When you graduate high school there are a lot of pictures. When you plan on going 3,000 miles away for school there are a lot of pictures. In those pictures I started to see who I had become, but I couldn't own up to it. Then I was in Southern California for school. SoCal Culture 101: skimpy clothes, beautiful people, and scrutinizing looks everywhere. I felt the pain of my situation

My sophomore year I owned up to it, and began losing weight. I maintained it mostly. But it started coming back. And I felt the desire was dying again.

But in my weakness after those measurements for the bridesmaid dress, the desire was sparked to life again. I heard God saying I need to get healthy, and that meant mind, body and spirit and the journey began.

I hate the fact that women and men (men are not exempt at all) live under such scrutiny of beauty and physical appearance. It destroys us all. We go to extremes because of it. But God wants to break us of those extremes.



In each of these pictures, I felt beautiful when it was being taken. Each picture was a moment where I had confidence to know that I was on the right path to being a better person. Each picture holds a triumph. The first picture was me in the wedding in Nov '10. The center picture was taken last summer at the Giant's Causeway of Northern Ireland (47 lbs. lighter than the wedding). The final picture was taken 2 days ago in Northern Ireland (50 lbs. lighter than the G.C). Buying that sweatshirt was a triumph. It was a medium! I've been wearing some medium shirts but sweatshirts— this was a first! They were out of the larges that I first looked for but instead of giving in and going to the XL next I went to the medium. I tried in on in the middle of the Student Union store where any person walking in could see me, so there was a risk of embarrassment if it didn't fit. I shouldn't have worried.

This isn't an easy road. I've been doing weight watchers for 2 years and it's hard being focused. It's hard getting past comments of you're loosing to much weight (do you hear what you're saying?). It's hard getting past the temptations, "You've been so good, and you can cheat a little today." It's been hard exercising. It's been hard getting over the mental hurdles. It's even harder throwing myself into a new country that measures food differently, where nutrition labels are different, and where pastries and sweet are so amazing! I live in a house where we share cooking the meals, and we split the groceries, so food choices are not always mine, again making it difficult. And I'll admit I've not been the best since moving here.

I've had some cool stories though since I've been here. One involves this awesome magenta coat. A new friend and I were chatting about shopping. I mentioned I'd gone into a store to figure out my size since they're slightly different here, and that I was looking for a winter coat. She had a couple that she was going to donate anyhow so offered them to me. If they fit I could have them. Looking at here I was thinking there's no way they would. Surprise, surprise! They did fit. Other stories were of a couple people not recognizing me because of my weight loss. It's little things that mean so much.

As I said though, as I have been writing this series, I've been amazed at what God is showing me little things. He keeps saying, "Hey, remember this one too!" My desire for becoming as beautiful in my mind as I am in God is another thing He has stirring in me. He's stirring a passion to share my story because there are people who need to hear it. I don't know who those people are, but they're out there. So even when I climb the stairs every day and see a full length mirror and sometime I want to say negative things, I have to remember that is not God's desire for me. Every time I look at my "Transformed" album on Facebook and go through the progress pictures I have, I need to hear God saying "Daughter, I'm enthralled by your beauty!"

Every bit of weight loss is a milestone now. AND, AND, AND!!! I am so happy to report that the number I saw on that medical form when I was eleven will be surpassed with another just 13 pounds. God is good and I want to be the best I can for him.

The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak, became a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong.

~Thomas Carlyle

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 4

It was such a busy week and in so many ways I wanted to write this blog instead of do my work. The thoughts that are going to be spilling out have been really overwhelming to me this week.  In so many ways I don't want to write this blog either. The thoughts that are going to be spilling out are sometimes some of the most painful I have.

10 days ago I wrote: "At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying."

So if you've kept track you should know that this post, based on that list, is about love.

This is where I see my situation. In my hands I once held this amazing box that was brilliantly colored and shiny. All I wanted to do was open it but it wasn't the time, so it went on a shelf for safekeeping. I'd see it everyday but I'd know it wasn't the time for opening it. It would move shelves for a higher place of honor. It deserved more respect.  A couple of times, the world would get shaken, and the box started to fall off the shelf and I'd catch it. In these times I'd think that maybe since it was falling, I should just open it. What would it hurt? I started to pull back the corner but then realized, no it's not time. After a couple of times of it falling it went back on a shelf, but this time it was a shelf where I wouldn't have to see it. That didn't work. I knew the brilliant box was on that hidden shelf. So I brought it out and put it on a visible shelf and I told people it was there, but that I needed them to keep me from it. I needed them to guide me, and pray for me that when it was time to open the box I would really be ready. The shiny box was on the highest shelf of honor. It wasn't forgotten, but I had peace that it was there. I was finally ok that it had sat on the shelf unopened for so many years.

Then I came home one day and the box wasn't on the shelf any more. My Abba had taken it down and set it on the table with a note. "Katie, it's coming time to open this soon. Keep waiting on me though, ok. Love you!" My Abba had told many people too that He'd taken it down and it was almost time. He told them to pray for me, to encourage me, to knock sense into me. I was excited that the box had come down. I was excited that people knew it had too. But I still haven't been able to open it.

The metaphorical box is a romantic relationship, but it's more than dating. I've known it is more than just dating, it's marriage and I've known it for a while. God's told me that many times over the last year and I wrote about those experiences before.

Like I said, I had peace that box was on the shelf. I found myself at peace with my singleness for the most part.

Now I walk in anticipation that has it's highs and lows. Others are walking in anticipation with me. Sometimes there is peace, sometimes not. My Abba had told lots of people (approximately 40), that he's been working on someone for me. I get emails and phone calls asking what's happening in my love life.  I've been very encouraged by it and I suppose I also feel pressure. The other desires that I've written about last week, were all things that would be nice-to-have things, but seemed perhaps unrealistic. This is a far more realistic desire. It's a desire that cuts into my heart far deeper than any of the others and one that I didn't want to expose.

I've written all of these posts about desires that God is working on and I've had great excitement in them. I mean, gosh, I wrote 4 posts in 4 days! My love life is a topic I added to the list in part one of this series, because I knew I could not write about desires without this being part of it.

In the last few weeks I sense that a shift has begun in my love life. What direction that shift is taking... hahahaha? Ya, I don't know for sure, but I feel like the symphony is about to begin. God has really spoken to me about the identifying qualities of the person through prayer, through dreams, through other people. Every bit brings the puzzle into more clarity. Constant doubt fills me and nags at me. But constant joy, strength and reassurance also comes flooding in.

Journaling has always been a big thing for me. I have pages and pages filled with names and dates, times and places, dreams and sermons that God has used specifically to tell me that he's preparing me for more than just dating. When I have doubts that this dream of marriage is ever going to happen, God gives me another event to add to that journal. One of my favorites was on a Wednesday night shortly before I left Arizona. I had been asked about my current happenings with my love life and I was a bit discouraged. When I got in my car I heard a song by Kristian Stanfill called "Always". The chorus of the song says, "Oh my God he will not delay. My refuge and strength always. I will not fear. His promise is true, My God will come through always... I lift my eyes up. My help comes from the Lord." Hearing the song I knew God was speaking and he said to lift my eyes. When I did, literally, the car ahead of me read "SPEEDY_____" on the license plate (there was a name in the blank).

I've spoken to several people about what relationships look like here in Coleraine, and it's a different thing than home. Coleraine is a really small place, and everyone is aware to some degree of social engagements. You can't walk into any restaurant or coffee shop with out seeing a familiar face. So when relationships begin or end, it's known. It frightens me to a degree, the publicness of it all. I suppose though, the way my love life became so public in the first place I should be used to it and maybe that I should just expect it.

I continue to pray about this desire of mine because it's not yet fulfilled. The longing runs deep and wide. I am trying to surround myself with married people to ask questions. Their guidance is something I crave. Now is the time to start learning the art of being a wife. Daily, I am in prayer for this still unknown husband of mine. I am very excited about it.

On the night that inspired these series of posts, there was ministry time mixed with worship. If you've known me at all you'll know that height is a big issue for me. It's on my list of things a potential mate needs to have because I want to be able to look evenly or upward into their eyes. During this ministry time, someone had a word from God saying. "Height is important to you because you want to look into the eyes of the one you love. Look up now into the eyes of you first love. I am here. Have confidence to trust me." It's another reminder to the fact that God's working in me, but that He's my first love. He wants to give us good gifts, and he is the first one. He is the first and the best gift– one that has long been off the shelf. Amen for that!

When we think dreams die and desires disappear - part 3

At that small group, immediately I began thinking of desires I had once had and had shelved because they seemed to crazy, or too unattainable, but none-the-less things I deeply longed for, or still long for. And in these last couple of week I've realized that there is many things I've forgotten about, and/or intentionally abandoned that God's not finished with yet. It's time to get vulnerable again in the coming posts. I'm going to explore school, location, love and maybe more. Keep watching and reading and praying. an excerpt from 2 days ago

I met one of my closest friends during my senior year and her junior year of college. She was a transfer student placed into an on-campus apartment with me at random.  It didn’t take long for us to build an awesome friendship. We had many things/interests in common- height (both of us are over 6ft), warm drinks, cute antique shops, foreign travel and military boys. You should have seen us when we realized we had the same shoe size. Finally! Someone we could share shoes with.  One of my favorite things that we share in common is our love to explore and she is one of the best people to go with.

One of our fav's in Coronado

In that year of living together we would often fill up some travel mugs with Hot Chocolate, hop in the car and head to some location, then we’d get out and walk. We’d find stores to browse and houses that we dreamed we could live in. Most of Coronado, CA has been put on our list under the category “Yes, Please.” Sometimes we knew that our talk was just talk, but we felt free to dream together about where we would one day be. It’s been 4 years now since we’ve lived even remotely close to one another, but now we still send pictures on Facebook saying, “You’d love this house,” “I have to bring you to this store when you visit,” or “I found the best pathway today that you’d love!” We know each other’s tastes and desires.

The newest send from Coleraine

Even as child, I would explore. In the hours between school and dinnertime, I would walk all over my town with no particular destination in mind. I would just imagine what was or what could be in the particular location. Yesterday I wrote how in the small town I grew up in, we’d joke that we would never get out. Even then I desired to see more, do more, and go more. And I believe God saw those desires and has blessed me with many of them.

It was along the Thames River, near the London Eye, that I sat one September day when I had an epiphany. Just the day or two before, I had flown to Europe for the first time, and was going to be there for the next four months. Culture shock had set in and I wanted to get on the next plane back to the States. But I sat there, and I thought about being in that small town that I never thought I’d leave, but I did. It was a progression of moves from small town New Hampshire to middle size town in the same state, to big city on the other side of the country, and now— now I was in London! I suddenly felt like I could do anything. So what did I do, I went exploring! Six hours, on foot, without a cell-phone, by myself, without telling anyone, I went exploring London.  I got lost in the joy of a new place, and found myself. After this I was sort of free to be me.

Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.
- Thomas Edison