There are always going to be moments in life when people make statements and observations about you. Fact of life.
Sometimes their statements and observations are so obvious that it hardly seemed worth the breath to say it. A frequent statement I hear is, "Katie, you're tall." Correct. Then there is, "Your hair is really bright [red]." Ok, please queue up the flood of sarcastic responses. Pleeeease.
But sometimes these observations come as a gift. We don't recognize it as a gift always, but it's a gift none-the-less. I know I can be so oblivious to my situations, or so overrun by them, that I can miss a bigger picture that an onlooker can see. I'm not the only person this happens to. We all can be this way. On occasion, we may need some one to say, "I'm interpreting [your life] because you aren't seeing what I'm seeing. (And you need to. *implied)"
Ooh ... a little hard to take in? Uh-huh. I had a friend say this to me last summer. It is one thing that just started the ball rolling.
I am gonna cut to the chase. This friend, in my experience, doesn't like to meddle in people's lives, especially when it's the life of a female and he's a guy.Yet he will call it like he sees it—unabashedly. He was seeing my love life unfold and I wasn't. He was telling me to open my eyes.
This is not a post I am comfortable with ... I have no desire to keep writing. There is fear in who is going to read this, and fear in who will not. However, a few weeks back I wrote another blog that came from hurt and ache on the subject of my love life, but this comes from hope. It has been on my mind quite a bit lately so it seems appropriate. It also adds to what I think God has in store for my approaching return to Northern Ireland. God is an awesome God.
Talking about love and dating and marriage has NEVER been on the top of my list for discussions. Yet, when I went to Northern Ireland last summer, though it was still on the least favorite subject list, it was everyone elses first pick subject. What the heck? Unnecessary. (Or I thought).
A year later, it has not let up.
A year later, it has not let up.
What I've had to deal with
My first night in Ireland, my entire group (males and all), decided it was the right time to ask and record what my list of preferred qualities in a potential date/husband were. I rattled off a few things to appease them. Once the information was in hand, they proceeded to reference "The List" all week, all the while adding more to it themselves. A new Irish friend learned of "The List" and said, "Let's post it on the wall here and we'll see what we can find for you."
Strangers I met on the street mentioned marriage to me. Prayers were spoken over me about love. I overheard conversations of dating everywhere I went in Ireland. There were even discussions of wedding planning, but for weddings that were just dreams.
With all of this talk, it should have been obvious to me that God was trying to get through to me, but nope, I am slow to see things like this. I recognize it was happening, but I didn't connect that it was directed for me.
My first night in Ireland, my entire group (males and all), decided it was the right time to ask and record what my list of preferred qualities in a potential date/husband were. I rattled off a few things to appease them. Once the information was in hand, they proceeded to reference "The List" all week, all the while adding more to it themselves. A new Irish friend learned of "The List" and said, "Let's post it on the wall here and we'll see what we can find for you."
Strangers I met on the street mentioned marriage to me. Prayers were spoken over me about love. I overheard conversations of dating everywhere I went in Ireland. There were even discussions of wedding planning, but for weddings that were just dreams.
With all of this talk, it should have been obvious to me that God was trying to get through to me, but nope, I am slow to see things like this. I recognize it was happening, but I didn't connect that it was directed for me.
A Change
So one night my friend makes a comment about my interaction with a gentleman—I most likely blushed since it happens easily—and then I began to wonder silently. The next morning, the same friend mentions another detail of said gentleman. I had to respond that he was assuming something was there that was not there. "No, Katie. I'm interpreting for you because you're not seeing what I'm seeing." Then he walked out of the room.
So one night my friend makes a comment about my interaction with a gentleman—I most likely blushed since it happens easily—and then I began to wonder silently. The next morning, the same friend mentions another detail of said gentleman. I had to respond that he was assuming something was there that was not there. "No, Katie. I'm interpreting for you because you're not seeing what I'm seeing." Then he walked out of the room.
Ah... really... can you leave a girl hanging any more? It took all day but I cornered him later and made him explain his comment. He made some observations about me and ways I was changing. Then other people confirmed the same thing, then a few more. Apparently, I wasn't seeing that God was beginning a work in my life in the area of love, dating and marriage but the rest of the world was. Whether the said gentleman was involved or not, God was changing me and I didn't know it.
People were vocalizing my love life. I was internalizing it. Why was it so important to everyone else all of a sudden when it never seemed to interest people before? The fact that so many people wanted to discuss my relationship status and my "list" baffled me. It also caused slight discomfort, or more than slight discomfort.
I made it to the final night in Coleraine and I couldn't take it any more. It was a worship and ministry evening and I spent the evening in anguish. Seriously. It was one of the most difficult nights I've had being broken before God pleading for answers. "God, I'm 27 and I want to feel loved and experience marriage. Why all of this talk this week? Is it a tease? Has it begun? Is it beginning? Have I met someone? Am I meeting someone soon? What are others seeing/hearing that I'm not? Is this the "Big Thing" you told me you were beginning in me this week?"
I had a response from God that night. "Katie, I remember my promises to you and you remember them. I'm working on it. Just wait and you'll see."
My friend had to interpret my life so I could begin to focus on what God was saying. The story doesn't end there. You'll just have to wait– like I did. Tomorrow will be part 2.
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