Patience is ...

I saw this quote this morning at the most awesome time.

8:10ish. A few minutes after I sat at my desk at work. My computer had booted up, and I was logging into to my email, facebook, and other social media sites. As my GMail loaded I was praying. "Lord, please let there be a good email this Friday to make up for last Friday." Last Friday, my inbox had the letter that my visa to enter the UK as a student was at risk of being revoked. Scanning the list of new emails I recognized an email address. The address.  The UK BA Visa Office.

My visa has been approved! It's 5 hours later now, and I'm still full of energy. (OK, 5 cups of coffee is adding to it). God answers prayers. Eeeek! He's so good and faithful.

He asks us to be patient and wait on Him. It is such hard work to do that. For me, I am a planner, a go-getter, a "let's move" type of person, so I find it extremely difficult sometimes. Yet, over and over again he's told me to slow down to wait on him.

I switched over to Facebook to post a new status that my visa had been approved so all of those who've been praying with me would share in the great news. As I looked down in the newest feeds, I saw the above quote from Audrey Assad, a singer and songwriter that I inspires me. It was a gentle reminder that when we wait on the Lord, it is infinitely worth the work.

If you've never listened to Audrey, take the opportunity now.

I DID NOT fail

"You have failed to provide ..." I stopped at "You have failed." I thought I was going to be sick ...

Now go back in time with me ...

Last Sunday morning, I met with a young girl I mentor at Starbucks before we went to church. We were talking about life and God. As we made our way through many many topics, we sort of landed on struggles and about how Satan nags at us when or where we're at our weakest. It was funny how we hadn't yet gone over to church yet God was stirring. *Disclaimer- We need not be in a church to have God stir.* I knew I was facing some struggles. So was she. Apparently it was also on the heart of the youth pastor to that morning, though I didn't hear it, I was told he prepared a lesson about the armor of God and how to protect ourselves when Satan tries to attack us at our weakness. His lesson was based on Ephesians 6:10-17.

The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The lesson continued on to Wednesday and will be a series for several weeks. This Wednesday though,  I was there and I was really struck by the activity we were doing. He was talking over the Belt of Truth from Ephesians. It is the truth of God that surrounds us, and hold us together. That it is His truth that allows us to move faster, stay secure, and hold more weapons to fight back the enemies.  The youth pastor handed us a sheet of paper with lists of God's truths found in the Bible. One side held a lists of "God is" and the other was a list of "I am".  See some examples:

God is

• He is faithful (deut. 7:9)
• He is my strength (Isa. 12:2)
• He is the All-sufficient one (2 Cor. 12:9)
• He is my Resting Place (Jer. 50:60)
• He is my peace ( (Eph. 2:14)

I am

• I am a child of promise (Gal. 3:14)
• I am an expression of life in Christ (Col. 3:4)
• I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
• I am a light in the world ( Mt. 5:14)
• I am chosen and appointed to bear fruit (Jn. 15:16)

We took this list and stood in two rows. One student was sent to walk between the rows and as they past each person we were to speak one of these truth to the passerby. Each person would take this walk until everyone had gone through.

When I walked through, no I couldn't hear every single person, but I heard enough. When you are bombarded hearing truths of our maker, our God, our love, it's hard to not sense some sort stirring of God. I walked through and felt like I was being armed. Those words were being driven deep. It was pretty incredible.

This week has been up and down. I am with in a month of leaving. Today actually is one month from when I board my plane to Northern Ireland. Yesterday was great. I felt happy. I was productive. My checklist was review and there wasn't much left that I really needed.

Today it seemed like I was kicked in the stomach. I had an email from the British Consulates office in New York- the office that has the decision power on whether I will be allowed into the United Kingdom for an extended period of time. The first sentence said " You have failed to provide...." and I read it just as You have FAILED!" There is paperwork that I was told I need not provide but I really did need to provide. It is paperwork I think I have. I hope so, because with what I think I had- off I went to the Post Office to overnight it to their office. If it's not right then....I'll deal with it as it comes.

But as I left my office and drove home to get the paperwork, I kept hearing. You failed. You failed.

Then it hit me. I was smacked in the head with list I'd been armed with earlier in the week. "I failed" was a lie and utter deception. God's truths were with me. The examples I chose above are the examples that were really in the forefront of my mind. They filled my mind when I heard a song come on the radio that said

"Every fear has no place at the sound of Your great name
The enemy he has to leave at the sound of Your great name."- Your Great Name, Natalie Grant

Fear has no place and the enemy has to leave at the sound of God's great name. Crazy stuff, but it's the truth. I decided there, God's name is going to be lifted today's struggle.  The enemy is not winning this!

Yes, there is a hiccup in the road. Yes , there are steps that I have taken and will need to take to provide what UK Border Agency needs. It's covered by grace though. God's asking me to follow and to be willing to forsake all else to seek him. The decision of the British Consulate's office isn't going to stop that. God's glory will shine in this. It already is.

I do ask for prayers for continued strength and endurance in this race. Pray for wise decisions and a clear course of action that needs to be taken in the coming days.

I love music. My tastes are all over the board. But these songs have been on repeat for me so I thought I'd share with you.

Enjoy!



Mat Kearny one of my favorite artists, hands down. This, his new release, makes me happy.


I'm a sucker for piano, so I was sold on the beginning of the song. When the words sunk in, it grabbed my heart.


I've only just heard this for the first time a few days ago but wow! It packs a punch for me.

I was able to go to the Railroad Revival Tour back in April, where this video was shot. After the concert this song stuck in my head for weeks. If you can see Mumford & Sons in concert, do it!

I need to sleep.

I'm in the final countdown now for moving to Derry.  There is much excitement. So many people to spend time with. So many last minute things to do.

And so little time to sleep.  It seems this way at least.

One fact I know, tried and true, about myself- with no sleep, I can become a ticking bomb. A bomb, which has unknown contents that may come forth at any moment. It could be uncontrollable laughter (best option), tears, crassness, or worse.


If you read this: pray that I balance my time. I want to spend time with people I love dearly. But I need to take care of myself. Getting worn out and possibly sick before getting on a plane is an experience I've had too many times and I don't want it again.

Are you seeing this? – part 2

I left off yesterday sharing some about my love life. Yay! My favorite topic to share with the world. (I'm shaking my head indicative that I hate this). It's not a topic that I like sharing with people because it is so personal, but I truly believe God has started an absolutely incredible thing in me that is bringing so much joy to me that I cannot keep quiet. It's a journey for my everyday life for me, no matter my location. It is also parallel if not the same path that God's leading me on as I return to Northern Ireland.

I left off talking about a prayer night where I was begging answers from God in regard to my relationship status, or lack there-of. I heard, "Wait on me." He didn't directly say anything about dating, love, or marriage. It was just wait.

More of what I faced
My first night home from Northern Ireland, I couldn't sleep, and I was chatting with my friend. Her husband was also on the trip to Ireland and he was passed out  and I should have been. We decided to meet me for coffee as we often do to catch up on the trip. I don't remember how far into the conversation it was, but she said something along the lines of, "Marriage. That's important for you to know." Ok. Umm thanks I guess. 

The next day I had an email from another friend asking. "Did you meet a guy?, I feel like you did."  Then a teen from my youth group came up to me, "I had a dream you were getting married on a beach. I don't know who the guy was but it was you!" What the heck people?!?

But now that people couldn't stop talking about my love life, I couldn't stop thinking about it. And it was driving me crazy. Every time I went to God, it remained "wait on me."

Two verses stayed forever in my mind.

The LORD is the everlasting God,
   the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
   and his understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
   and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
   and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the LORD
   will renew their strength. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

and

Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.

Song of Solomon 2:8

A breakthrough, so to speak, happened in September. For a week, in my quiet time, I heard God saying "Katie, you will know. You will be given knowledge that will encourage you. It's time." That weekend I was at a youth leader conference. The message for the first night was great, but relevant to engaging the lives of teenagers. There was no big revelation. However, near the end of the evening, there was ministry time where a leader stood and repeated the above verse from Isaiah. He said "This is for someone tonight. Tonight or this weekend you will know." I was on alert. This was not just for someone— it was for me. Everyone broke into groups shortly after and, my friend Danielle and I, were together with David and his wife. They had never met us. They didn't know anything about me or anything happening in my life. David began talking, and I listened, staying quiet in amazement. Again as I'd heard from God, and the other person, David he said to me, "You need to go home tonight and dig deep and meet with God. Something is gonna happen and I'm going to ask you about it in the morning."

Bright and early Danielle and I arrived at the conference. We weren't five feet inside the door and David came up to us. "What happened?" I felt deflated. Nothing really happened. My radio shut off unexpectedly in my car...but was it God? I don't know. Then David said, "I didn't say this last night, and I should have. Are either of you engaged? Because I am supposed to bless your marriage and pray for it because it's happening. Does this seem on target?" I just about fell to the ground while Danielle started laughing. "Neither of us are engaged or even dating, but it's on target for her in so many ways," she said. Another two times that weekend, with Danielle around to confirm, the same thing happened. I was told marriage was important and happening.

From then on I was released into this incredible peace. I had no clue that I would be marrying or even dating in the coming months. I didn’t know when anything was happening, but I had the promise that it was. It was clearly an area God was working on in my life.

More and more conversations happened about my love life. It's unexplainable to anything but God. As I have these conversations with people, it's no longer a feeling that a knife is being stabbed into my heart and twisted. It is a feeling of rejoicing, like I have a team of cheerleaders behind me.

Opportunities have arisen to be more involved in the lives of friends who are married. I've been able to walk with them  and really see the struggles and triumphs that come with marriage. Women and men— that's where I am really baffled, the men— have spoken into my life encouraging me, and prodding me to be intentional in what I want in a spouse.

As I've walked through this period of preparing for Northern Ireland, I've seen the need of being intentional before God. Seeking his will, and his wisdom in all my decisions. So with marriage on the table, I've spend more time than ever in my life being intentional. 

I've spent hours praying for the still faceless man, his capabilities, his relationship with God, his relationship with his family, his ability to lead, his job, and so many other areas. I've prayed for our paths to come closer. I've prayed for our relationship and how it can grow.

It's August now, and I still haven't dated anyone. It's taken a lot of people to keeping interpreting things for me and asking "Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" But I am seeing it! I'm being shown some more answers and I can say I am more excited than I have ever been! It is still a season of waiting, but I know it is worth the time.

I mentioned that this goes parallel to Ireland. I don't know if the man of my dreams is there or not. But I don't think I am going to be in Ireland for only the duration of school, but longer. For that reason,  I hope he is in Northern Ireland. Because, let's face it 1) I'm now 28 2) I may be gone for a while  3)if he's here I'd have to leave him for NI 4) an Irish accent is amazing.

God is amazing and SO faithful. I can't wait to get further down the road and be able to report back on this.

Are you seeing this? – part 1

There are always going to be moments in life when people make statements and observations about you. Fact of life.

Sometimes their statements and observations are so obvious that it hardly seemed worth the breath to say it. A frequent statement I hear is, "Katie, you're tall." Correct. Then there is, "Your hair is really bright [red]." Ok, please queue up the flood of sarcastic responses. Pleeeease.

But sometimes these observations come as a gift. We don't recognize it as a gift always, but it's a gift none-the-less. I know I can be so oblivious to my situations, or so overrun by them, that I can miss a bigger picture that an onlooker can see. I'm not the only person this happens to. We all can be this way. On occasion, we may need some one to say, "I'm interpreting [your life] because you aren't seeing what I'm seeing. (And you need to. *implied)"

Ooh ... a little hard to take in? Uh-huh. I had a friend say this to me last summer. It is one thing that just started the ball rolling.

I am gonna cut to the chase. This friend, in my experience, doesn't like to meddle in people's lives, especially when it's the life of a female and he's a guy.Yet he will call it like he sees it—unabashedly. He was seeing my love life unfold and I wasn't. He was telling me to open my eyes.

This is not a post I am comfortable with ... I have no desire to keep writing. There is fear in who is going to read this, and fear in who will not. However, a few weeks back I wrote another blog that came from hurt and ache on the subject of my love life, but this comes from hope. It has been on my mind quite a bit lately so it seems appropriate. It also adds to what I think God has in store for my approaching return to Northern Ireland. God is an awesome God.

Talking about love and dating and marriage has NEVER been on the top of my list for discussions. Yet, when I went to Northern Ireland last summer, though it was still on the least favorite subject list, it was everyone elses first pick subject. What the heck? Unnecessary. (Or I thought).

A year later, it has not let up.

What I've had to deal with
My first night in Ireland, my entire group (males and all), decided it was the right time to ask and record what my list of preferred qualities in a potential date/husband were. I rattled off a few things to appease them. Once the information was in hand, they proceeded to reference "The List" all week, all the while adding more to it themselves. A new Irish friend learned of "The List" and said, "Let's post it on the wall here  and we'll see what we can find for you."

Strangers I met on the street mentioned marriage to me. Prayers were spoken over me about love. I overheard conversations of dating everywhere I went in Ireland. There were even discussions of  wedding planning, but for weddings that were just dreams.
With all of this talk, it should have been obvious to me that God was trying to get through to me, but nope, I am slow to see things like this. I recognize it was happening, but I didn't connect that it was directed for me.

A Change
So one night my friend makes a comment about my interaction with a gentleman—I most likely blushed since it happens easily—and then I began to wonder silently. The next morning, the same friend mentions another detail of said gentleman. I had to respond that he was assuming something was there that was not there. "No, Katie. I'm interpreting for you because you're not seeing what I'm seeing." Then he walked out of the room.

Ah... really... can you leave a girl hanging any more? It took all day but I cornered him later and made him explain his comment. He made some observations about me and ways I was changing. Then other people confirmed the same thing, then a few more. Apparently, I wasn't seeing that God was beginning a work in my life in the area of love, dating and marriage but the rest of the world was. Whether the said gentleman was involved or not, God was changing me and I didn't know it.

People were vocalizing my love life. I was internalizing it. Why was it so important to everyone else all of a sudden when it never seemed to interest people before? The fact that so many people wanted to discuss my relationship status and my "list" baffled me. It also caused slight discomfort, or more than slight discomfort.

I made it to the final night in Coleraine and I couldn't take it any more. It was a worship and ministry evening and I spent the evening in anguish. Seriously. It was one of the most difficult nights I've had being broken before God pleading for answers. "God, I'm 27 and I want to feel loved and experience marriage. Why all of this talk this week? Is it a tease? Has it begun? Is it beginning? Have I met someone? Am I meeting someone soon? What are others seeing/hearing that I'm not? Is this the "Big Thing" you told me you were beginning in me this week?"

I had a response from God that night. "Katie, I remember my promises to you and you remember them. I'm working on it. Just wait and you'll see."

My friend had to interpret my life so I could begin to focus on what God was saying. The story doesn't end there. You'll just have to wait– like I did. Tomorrow will be part 2.

I have a date!

 

I'm beyond thrilled! I bought my ticket yesterday to fly into Belfast. I will be leaving Boston on September 12, hopping on a 737 jet to Newark, NJ. Then it's an overnight flight into Belfast where I'll arrive around 9 a.m. on the September 13. The pieces are coming together. I still am confirming details of when I'll leave Phoenix to go to Boston, but that's looking like the 6th.*

Next big hurdle... getting from Belfast to Derry, perhaps via Coleraine.

I bet the title of this post made many of you look and think there was a very different meaning behind it. Sorry.

*Update as of 8/5/11- September 6th is confirmed!