I DID NOT fail

"You have failed to provide ..." I stopped at "You have failed." I thought I was going to be sick ...

Now go back in time with me ...

Last Sunday morning, I met with a young girl I mentor at Starbucks before we went to church. We were talking about life and God. As we made our way through many many topics, we sort of landed on struggles and about how Satan nags at us when or where we're at our weakest. It was funny how we hadn't yet gone over to church yet God was stirring. *Disclaimer- We need not be in a church to have God stir.* I knew I was facing some struggles. So was she. Apparently it was also on the heart of the youth pastor to that morning, though I didn't hear it, I was told he prepared a lesson about the armor of God and how to protect ourselves when Satan tries to attack us at our weakness. His lesson was based on Ephesians 6:10-17.

The Armor of God

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

The lesson continued on to Wednesday and will be a series for several weeks. This Wednesday though,  I was there and I was really struck by the activity we were doing. He was talking over the Belt of Truth from Ephesians. It is the truth of God that surrounds us, and hold us together. That it is His truth that allows us to move faster, stay secure, and hold more weapons to fight back the enemies.  The youth pastor handed us a sheet of paper with lists of God's truths found in the Bible. One side held a lists of "God is" and the other was a list of "I am".  See some examples:

God is

• He is faithful (deut. 7:9)
• He is my strength (Isa. 12:2)
• He is the All-sufficient one (2 Cor. 12:9)
• He is my Resting Place (Jer. 50:60)
• He is my peace ( (Eph. 2:14)

I am

• I am a child of promise (Gal. 3:14)
• I am an expression of life in Christ (Col. 3:4)
• I am God's workmanship (Eph. 2:10)
• I am a light in the world ( Mt. 5:14)
• I am chosen and appointed to bear fruit (Jn. 15:16)

We took this list and stood in two rows. One student was sent to walk between the rows and as they past each person we were to speak one of these truth to the passerby. Each person would take this walk until everyone had gone through.

When I walked through, no I couldn't hear every single person, but I heard enough. When you are bombarded hearing truths of our maker, our God, our love, it's hard to not sense some sort stirring of God. I walked through and felt like I was being armed. Those words were being driven deep. It was pretty incredible.

This week has been up and down. I am with in a month of leaving. Today actually is one month from when I board my plane to Northern Ireland. Yesterday was great. I felt happy. I was productive. My checklist was review and there wasn't much left that I really needed.

Today it seemed like I was kicked in the stomach. I had an email from the British Consulates office in New York- the office that has the decision power on whether I will be allowed into the United Kingdom for an extended period of time. The first sentence said " You have failed to provide...." and I read it just as You have FAILED!" There is paperwork that I was told I need not provide but I really did need to provide. It is paperwork I think I have. I hope so, because with what I think I had- off I went to the Post Office to overnight it to their office. If it's not right then....I'll deal with it as it comes.

But as I left my office and drove home to get the paperwork, I kept hearing. You failed. You failed.

Then it hit me. I was smacked in the head with list I'd been armed with earlier in the week. "I failed" was a lie and utter deception. God's truths were with me. The examples I chose above are the examples that were really in the forefront of my mind. They filled my mind when I heard a song come on the radio that said

"Every fear has no place at the sound of Your great name
The enemy he has to leave at the sound of Your great name."- Your Great Name, Natalie Grant

Fear has no place and the enemy has to leave at the sound of God's great name. Crazy stuff, but it's the truth. I decided there, God's name is going to be lifted today's struggle.  The enemy is not winning this!

Yes, there is a hiccup in the road. Yes , there are steps that I have taken and will need to take to provide what UK Border Agency needs. It's covered by grace though. God's asking me to follow and to be willing to forsake all else to seek him. The decision of the British Consulate's office isn't going to stop that. God's glory will shine in this. It already is.

I do ask for prayers for continued strength and endurance in this race. Pray for wise decisions and a clear course of action that needs to be taken in the coming days.