Be still and know

It's been a looong time since updated this blog... Okay not a terribly long time. Not months and months. But when details of life are changing so rapidly, it seems like it has been a very long time.

It's been highlighted in the last three weeks that I don't know the meaning of relax and I desperately need to learn that. Am I alone in this? Does anyone else not know how to relax? But I thought it had been justified since it was the final three weeks before departing Phoenix and there was a lot to accomplish.  But I think I was wrong. Very wrong.

Tuesday, I boarded a plane leaving Phoenix to head to Boston. I'll be in Boston until next Monday when then I'll get start the journey to Northern Ireland. But until then, the past two days have been a crash course (pun intented) of relaxation in Boston. Yes because I finally made it through maybe the toughest 3 weeks I've had yet in the areas of sleep, emotions, and stress and I'll I can do is crash. The sleep I haven't had in 2 months and especially 3 weeks is catching up to me big time.

But why so tired? Because I can't stop. I wanted to spend time with as many people as I possibly could before I left. Yet, while doing that, I still needed to pack & clean my apartment, move out, wrap up loose ends, finish up at work, pack suitcases (4x), make phone calls..... And I had a very hard time deciphering when to stop.

Now I sit on the couch in my brother and sister-in-laws home in Quincy, MA. I hear the cats crying in the bathroom to escape. It's raining. I'm in sweat pants and long sleeves enjoying the cool weather. It's 12:15 am and I should be asleep but I feel the need to reflect back on the time I've had.

Always have I been a go getter, and always will I be. It's in me. In fact, just a few days ago I was staying with my parents and it was a Saturday morning. I had been awake since 7am and it was then 10:30 when I stepped out of the house to clean out my car. As I walked back in, my mother called me into her bedroom where she was still in bed reading. "Do you know, that ever since the day you were born, you and I have had this fight?" "What fight Mom?" "The fight that you wake up and are AWAKE and ready to go. No easy, slow waking up. You just move straight into getting stuff done. I want to wake up slowly and you never let me." "Um. Sorry." Though I didn't know how to respond really, I knew it was and is true. I've always felt like I wanted to get the most out of my time. This can be a great thing and it can get me in over my head. Haha. I've been over my head way too many times to count.

In the past year, as I've prepared myself to move to Northern Ireland, I've had to ask myself, but more importantly ask God, "Am I in too deep? Is this too much?" But each time I have, I've been reassured by the peace of God. The peace of God is the absolute best feeling in the world.

Going to Northern Ireland means many, many changes for me, but it also means changes for others too possibly. I am seeing so many opportunities arise out of this calling for me to leave Phoenix to impact the life of others for Christ. In saying goodbye to a friend, I was finally able to share God's love to a friend who had for 3 years shut me down at the slightest mention about him. On my plane ride to Boston, I was able to pray the passenger seated next to me about a baby girl. If I look at this move to Northern Ireland as something that is about me. I am so sadly mistaken.

I've committed to making this blog a source to be very honest about my life. In total transparency, the last few weeks I've been very mistaken. I have run myself ragged because I wanted to get things done that were about me. I've spent time with God, but time that has been marked by exhaustion from doing other stuff.

As my mother said that we'd always had the same fight, tonight I hear God saying the same thing. We always have this struggle where I want to keep going but he wants me to be still. "Be still and know that I am God" Psalms 46:10.

If you read this blog, I pray that you, like I, can take the time to really stop and to relax in the presence of God so that we may hear his voice and be filled with his presence. Pray for me as I am 3 days from boarding the plane to Belfast and then I'm onto Derry.